


Blue Girl

by xXDelyriumXx



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abuse, F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-07-28 20:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7655770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXDelyriumXx/pseuds/xXDelyriumXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lapis is trapped in a abusive relationship, where she feels trapped and alone. Peridot is a girl governed by technological addiction and strong morals. when their paths cross their fates intertwine and lapis finds there is more to her life than being trapped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers:abuse  
> self hate  
> depression  
> post traumatic stress disorder  
> anxiety  
> addiction.
> 
> this is one of my very first fanfictions and I'm so very happy to get to share it with all my readers, both present and future, and I hope this can satisfy at least one persons craving for a closer to reality work of fanfiction.

Her life had fallen into a horrible nightmare of repetition. She couldn't remember what it felt like to respect herself or even have thoughts that were her own, and not ones that had been planted for her.

 

Jasper slammed the door as she stormed out of the apartment in a drunken rage, while lapis lay crumpled on the floor like a forgotten piece of paper discarded by an irritated artist. It had been like that for what seemed like a awful forever. Jasper would be a normal, kind of grumpy person, then for no reason at all she would go out, get way too drunk, and come back to a helpless lapis. There was no relief.

_________________________

 

Lapis awoke on the floor the next morning to the sound of her alarm and the throbbing of her split lip. “Ughhhh” she groaned as she put a cool hand over her eyes. She straightened out and stood up before looking around the apartment before spotting a mirror over a shelf that held a potted plant and some phone books they never used. She walked slowly to the mirror, never breaking eye contact with the fragile looking reflection held there.

 

Lapis ghosted her fingers over the splotchy bruise that already discolored her otherwise pale features. Dark shadows racooned both of her sad blue eyes and made her seem years younger than she was. Her lips trembled and she saw the bloody cut that mared her petite mouth next to the black piercing that her and jasper had gotten together as an anniversary gift celebrating two years of their bipolar relationship.

 

Her blue hair clung to her face with sweat and she turned away from that haunting mirror and walked to the bathroom to get ready for work. She worked two alternating jobs on the weekdays, one at jenny's, a local coffee shop that was the popular hangout of ditching high school kids and college dropouts, and the other at a local dollar store on a the nearby college common grounds that was usually deserted except for the few kids that wandered in to buy energy drinks and condoms. She signed up to go to classes at the college a few days a week from 11am to 3pm, although she rarely went.

 

Lapis pulled off her shirt ran a hand down her pale freckled arms surveying for further damage, but finding nothing. She took a quick shower to wash away the scent of sweat and alcohol off her skin and try to scrub of the blood that had dried to her jaw and lip in the night.

 

She turned off the water and rubbed her hair down with towel. Lapis glanced at the clock on her phone before pulling on her close and leaving the bathroom. The apartment that jasper and lapis shared wasn’t the biggest in the world, but it made sense for the two of them. When they had first moved in, the little two bedroom one bathroom apartment had seemed like a dream come true.

 

They we’re finally independent adults, no one could tell them what to do or when to do it. They were there on people. Now this place felt like a tomb. The ash gray walls that lapis had once learned to trust and call home, had turned the rooms into a icy prison where color went to die. The bright windows let in the light of smoky clouds that seemed to add to the macabre atmosphere of the apartment. Anyone who walked in could tell you this was a house, not a home.

 

Lapis gave a final glance to the empty shadow enslaved rooms, before walking into the hall and down the stairs to the bland lobby and out the glass doors into the the bitter icy air. She looped her headphones into her numb ears as she walked down the sidewalk, and tried to avoid eye contact with the hundreds of other blurry faces that passed her by. Eventually after a few jarring moments she arrived at the coffee shop.

 

She took the key ring out of her jacket pocket and stuffed her headphones there as a replacement. She pushed the winter chilled door open and walked into the darkened shop, flicking the lights on as she did. The shop was cozy and filled with a drowsy warmth from the overnight heater. Tables scattered themselves about the room as well as several chair, in the corner next to the shop display window, was a sitting area with several soft chairs and pillows as well as a plush carpet that contrasted with the dark hickory floor.

 

This small shop was a place lapis could relax the hard knots in her muscles and stomach. It was a place that even the most damaged could seek sanctuary even for a moment. She walked behind the counter and grabbed her green apron off of a stool that sat in behind the counter and pulled it over her head, tying it in the back. In the back room several industrial ovens sat waiting for the moment to be turned on and heated for use.

 

She walked over and lightly pushed the switch on the panel on the wall sending a humming current throughout the room. The ghost of a smiled danced on her face, twitching her lips. She turned back to the shop and turned on the coffee makers that sat on the counter behind the order counter. The scent of coffee and mint filled the empty space in the shop.

 

Lapis walked to the door and flipped the welcome sign from ‘closed’ to ‘open’ and stared for a moment at the children playing in the street. After that, the shop slowly but surely filled with people, coming and going. About ten minutes after lapis arrived, her coworker came in to help with the morning rush.

 

“Hey lapis, sorry i’m late.” Pearl said in an apologetic tone. Her usually neat peach hair was a bit ruffled and her cheeks slightly flushed, as if she had been running. “It's fine pearl! Really,” lapis said. “I opened up on my own just fine.” Pearl smiled sadly and finally met lapis’ eyes. Her smile fell when her gaze found the cut and bruising on lapis’s face. She glanced around the shop, and decided that there were few enough people to be absent for a moment. Pearl’s urgent hand gripped lapis’s upper arm and pulled her into the back room.

 

Pearl let go of lapis’s arm and brought her trembling fingers to her lips. “Lapis…” Pearl trailed off, her voice lost in the choking silence. Lapis flushed pink and looked down. “Its nothing pearl, i tripped and hit the corner of the coffee table…” lapis managed a weak smile, trying to console her worried friend.

 

Pearl looked like she wasn't going to believe anything that lapis was going to tell her. She composed herself and reached out to brush the deep cut on lapis’s mouth. Lapis flinched so hard she thought her muscles would snap. Pearl pulled her hand back quickly and returned the to her previous posture, covering her mouth.

 

She shook her head, her eyes sad. “Lapis, you can't keep letting her do this. You can't stop me from doing something to make her stop.” Pearl said in a torn tone. Lapis took a step back and turned around so she wouldn't be facing Pearl. “I’m not letting her do anything!” lapis defended. “I fell. That's it. Nothing else, Okay?!”

 

Pearl shook her head in retaliation. “You have to let me tell garnet!” pearl cried. “I can't just sit here and let her do this to you!” Pearl said, defeated. Lapis’s eyes teared. “Please pearl. I’m asking you this because you're my friend. Please stay out of this.” Pearl looked at lapis for only a few seconds before she realised that she wouldn't get any further with the topic, so slowly she let it go.

The day carried on eventlessly. Until somewhere in the midst of the final rush hour, a unfamiliar girl walked into the shop, and shifted lapis’s rainy cold world to one that harboured sunlight.


	2. quiet

The bell above the door rang loudly with the coming and going of the coffee shop inhabitance. The girl stopped for a moment to brush her rain dampened hair back and to wipe of her glasses with a black hoodie sleeve. Lapis turned to glance at the new customer but found herself staring instead. It wasn't until Pearl tapped her on the shoulder, she realised that she had spaced out.

She watched her walk over to the rest area and sit. She hadn't seen the girl around the shop before. ‘Was she a newbie from the college?’ She wondered in silence. Lapis glanced away when the girl turned to the counter and retreated to the back. ‘Who in the world was she? Has she been here before?’ 

Lapis stood leaned against the wall with her back touching it’s chilly surface. She was about to go back out when her watch beeped loudly, startling her. She twisted her wrist to gaze at its digital face with strong loathing. Time was her enemy. It kept her prisoner and dictated every single move she made.

“Pearl,” Lapis called out to the front, never breaking her gaze from her wrist. “My shift just ended, so i’ll be heading home. Are you okay by yourself until Sapphire gets here?” She asked popping her head out of the doorway. Pearl looked at her with a sad expression before looking down and sighing, refusing to look her in the eyes.

“Yeah, sure Lapis i'll be fine. You go ahead and go home.” Pearl said in a hushed tone.

Lapis managed a weak smile. “Ok then.” Lapis said grabbing her jacket. “Good night, Pearl.” Lapis said as she took off her apron and hung it on the the rack. She pulled her jacket on as she waved good bye and pushed the door open to the freezing winter air.

“Good night, Lapis. Be safe.” Pearl said as she waved.

Lapis nodded as she stepped out of the doorway and onto the quiet street. The sun had set about half an hour before and the evening moon cast a silver glow onto the paved road. Voices of the night goers filled the air and blurred into one solid noise.

Lapis watched the sky as she walked home in the dark. Her hands stung from the cold and her lungs and nose burned from breathing the icy air. The rain that had dominated the sky earlier had frozen to the ground, creating slippery mirror like patches on the dark road. 

Before long Lapis had found herself standing in front of the door to her apartment. Her stomach knotted painfully and her chest felt as if someone had poured ice water down her throat to drain into her lungs. She inhaled deeply and held her breath for as long as she could manage. 

Slowly she exhaled and pulled her house keys from her pocket. She turned the key and unlocked the deadbolt and the door in a slow reluctant manner. When Lapis opened the door she was hit with an almost uncomfortable wave of heat.

The interior was dimly lit by the soft glow of a few loosely strung up fairy lights and lamps around the apartment. The windows were fogged from the freezing air outside. A quick glance around the room yielded it to be deserted, to her unhinging relief.

She stepped inside and set her keys on the table beneath the mirror and walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch. Lapis sighed and layed her head on the back of the couch. She blinked slowly twice before eventually letting her eyelids droop. She was exhausted and every muscle in her body was strung so tight she feared if she were any tencer they would snap. She slowly relaxed enough for the cramps in her stomach to be soothed slightly.

Lapis sat up and stared blankly at the floor, to consumed in her thoughts to do anymore than that. Eventually the sound of heavy footsteps thumped outside of the door. She sucked in a sharp breath as thoughts raced through her mind for the thousandth time. Should she run and hide in her room with the door locked? Should she stay still and sit on the couch like she hadn't heard a thing? Her fear left paralyzed, sitting there staring at her clenched fists, tears welling in her eyes but she dared not cry.

The doorknob turned and jasper stepped into the apartment, cold air rushing in as she did. She hung her jacket on the rack by the door and stretched, grunting while she did. The house fell into an absolute silence as jasper stop moving around. Lapis slowly release the breath she had been holding for dear life, and quickly scrubbed away a tear that had barely streamed down her cheek. She was careful not to swipe to aggressively near her bruise for fear of making it worse. Jasper walked into the living room without saying a word. 

Lapis looked up and met jaspers amber gaze before looking away quickly. They sat in silence for a few more seconds before jasper crossed the room and dropped to her knees in front of lapis to wrap her arms around her. Lapis stiffened before letting her body relax into the embrace, looping her thin arms around jasper’s large torso. “Lapis…” jasper said quietly, her gruff voice falling out into a squeak. “I’m so sorry, i’m so sorry…” jasper kept repeating herself over and over again. Her originally projectile voice was diminished to a soft whisper that rang with endless regret.

 

“It's okay jasper, i forgive you…” lapis said quietly, her voice thick from the tears she dared not cry. Jasper pulled away to run her gaze over lapis’s battered face before pressing soft kisses around her mouth and cheeks. When the storm of kisses finally slowed lapis looked away from jasper's eyes. “You should probably take a shower…” lapis croaked in a half failing voice. “I know you’ve probably been waiting for one all day.” she joked with a weak chuckle.

Jasper smiled before leaning forward to ghost one final kiss over lapis’s most prominent bruise located on her cheek bone, just under her eye. Lapis flinched when jaspers lip ring pressed into the bruised but held still for the entirety of the peck. Jasper large hand cupped lapis’s face as she looked down at her. She finally kissed lapis softly before pulling away and stepping back.   
“I’m going to go take a shower but after that, how about we order take out? That way neither of us have to cook.” jasper said running her hand through her wild white hair. Lapis smiled and gave a weak nod. “Yeah that sounds great.” she said as she turned to walk towards her bedroom. “I’m just gonna be in my room if you need anything, ok?” she said as she faced the door.

“Okay, i’ll be out in like, fifteen minutes.” jasper said with a grunt before walking to the linen closet to grab a large grey towel and a smaller white one. Lapis stood there a little longer until she heard the bathroom door click shut behind her. With one hand she pushed open her door while inhaling deeply. 

The inside of the room was sparsely decorated, save a few posters, pictures, and random keepsakes. Her bed was made with a deep blue comforter that she had owned since her late years in high school. She had a small vanity mirror and makeup desk with a soft chair tucked safely underneath. A large Marina and the Diamonds from the electra heart album poster hung crookedly to the left of the mirror. Her phone sat on her makeup desk, it's screen blank. She picked it up and turned it on, unlocking the screen in a swift motion as she did.

No notifications- no messages. Like usual. She stared at her background of her and jasper smiling widely at LIGHTS! ,The local gay bar in town, until the screen returned to it's normal black pictureless shade. She walked over to her bed and flopped down letting her phone settle on the bed as she did. The heater ran quietly as she sat in the darkened room as she turned on her side and curled up in a ball weeping as she did. She hadn’t felt this broken in almost two months. This wasn’t healthy. She knew that, yet she stayed because she needed jasper, and jasper needed her. She was irrevocably in love with her, no matter how bad jasper hurt her.

Outside of the room she heard the faint click of the bathroom door opening. Lapis rushed to gather herself before she went outside. She leaned over, using a single hand placed firmly against her desk to prop herself up as she prodded her bruise gently with the other. She cleaned her face with one of the tissues from the box beside her before rubbing her face carefully with both hands. After a few seconds, looking in the mirror nauseated her till she was forced to look away unless she risked being sick. Lapis turned to walk towards the door before the mostly uninterrupted silence was disturbed by an echoing growling sound from her stomach.

Her face paled unhealthily as a sickening thought rang through her mind. In the chaos of trying to keep her thoughts blank she had worked straight through her lunch break, and in her rush to get away from the apartment she had skipped breakfast as well. She didn’t even want to think about last night although she recalled waiting till jasper came home to eat so they could have dinner together, but when jasper came home… she shuddered as she grabbed the doorknob. It had been almost two full days since she had eaten anything.

She pulled open the door and stepped out into the living room, her hand pulled across her stomach to clutch her freckled wrist. “I’ll call them if you want…” lapis said in a rush. Jasper looked away from the television while it played a rerun of some female prison show with ruby rose in it to acknowledge her. “Sure thing lapis, sounds cool.” jasper said with a nod. Lapis returned the nod with weak smile before walking over to the kitchenette to pull the phone of the wall and dial Rileys, the local pizza place. The phone rang once before someone picked up on the other end of the line. “Rileys pizza- you call we deliver, now with sit in dining. What can i get for you?” the staticy voice said. Lapis inhaled sharply before glancing at jasper and then back towards the wall before she exhaled. 

“One large pizza, half supreme, half pepperoni.” she said, holding the phone in both hands. “Alrighty then, would you like to add a two liter of your choice of soda to your order?” the voice replied. “Um, no thanks.” lapis said. “Ok then, i have one large two topping pizza, half supreme half pepperoni no drink is that correct?” lapis replayed the order quickly in her mind before answering. “Yes that's all, thanks” she said in a soft voice. “Alright that’ll be $7.99. Your order will arrive in a little under half an hour.” 

“Thanks.” lapis said as the line went dead. She hung the phone back on the wall and closed her eyes before withdrawing her hand. She walked over to the couch where jasper was sitting and sat down beside her. Jasper’s hair was wrapped in a small white towel although a few pieces escaped the twist and hung damply in her face. The top of her grey shirt was dampened into a darker shade and had a small breast pocket on her left side. Her black sweat pants hung loosely on her hips as she leaned against the arm of the couch. 

Jasper glanced to lapis before motioning with her head for her to lean against her. Lapis did as she was silently instructed, melting into jasper's warm side as she did. She was always this warm, she thought to herself. It was so comforting, so reassuring. Lapis closed her eyes before stifling a yawn. “The pizza will be here soon.” she said as jasper laid her arm over lapis’s dainty shoulders.

“Good.” jasper said with a smile.

Just as lapis was just about to drift off a familiar muffled tune played from lapis’s room. She sighed before standing up and stretching. “Sorry it's my phone.” lapis said, her face flushing slightly in embarrassment. Hadn’t she put it on silent? She thought fiercely to herself as she padded off to her room.

She pushed open the door and the song played a tiny bit louder as the phone vibrated on her blankets. She picked it up with a sigh and swiped it over, seeing a picture of pearl glow across the screen. Lapis swiped the answer button and stuck the speaker to her ear. “Hello.” lapis said in a tired voice. “Lapis!” pearl said excitedly. “I didn’t think you’d answer!”. Lapis smiled as she clutched the phone a little tighter. “Well i did so i proved your intuition wrong P.” she replied quietly.

Pearl laughed on the other end of the line. “So what were your plans for tomorrow night?” Pearl said, her voice sounding like a child who new a very good secret. Lapis thought to herself for a moment or so before answering. 

“I was just going to go home after work. Why?” lapis asked. “Garnet and i were thinking, and we thought that you would might like to go out tomorrow night to LIGHTS! With us!” Pearl said in a bubbly voice. Lapis considered it for a moment before breaking into a smile, pulling open her split lip in the process. 

She walked quickly over to her desk to get a tissue to press against her now throbbing lip, still smiling. “Absolutely!” lapis said in an excited voice. “I’ll ask jasper about it, and i’ll let you know the results tomorrow, ok?” lapis said, beaming.

Pearl’s voice lost some of it's excitement but didn’t dull too much. “Sounds great! Goodnight lapis!” pearl said before cutting the line. Lapis slowly pulled the phone away from her ear, her eyes glowing with excitement for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!!! sorry it took so long to update, i swear chapter three will be up by at least friday of next week! i was having problems with my new computer, and that made it especially to update. if you want further information or just want to follow me, here's a link to my tumblr account ^-^ http://lapis-mylazuli.tumblr.com/


	3. Waiting

The night had ended tirelessly. Lapis had walked into the living room after talking with pearl on the phone to talk to jasper about the possible plans for the next night. Jasper paused and sighed heavily before responding. 

“Do you really need to go?” jasper said in an irritated voice. Lapis thought for a moment, looking down at her feet. “I-i don't really need to but i-it would be nice to go out since it's been such a long time since we went out together…” lapis’s stammering eventually fell silent as she glanced up to look at jaspers expression.

Jasper sighed and ran her hands through her hair and over her face. “I have class tomorrow until late.” jasper answered matter-of-factly. “So i can't go out, but-” she hesitated. “Bet you had better call me when you get the club, and when you're on your way home. And i don't want you out any later than 10:30 is that clear?” jasper said in a demanding voice.

Lapis beamed in joy. She crossed the room quickly and wrapped her arms around jasper and squeezed tightly. “Thank you so much jasper.” lapis said with a smile. Jasper nodded but didn't say anything else. They sat in silence for a few more moments before a knock at the door startled them both.

“Rileys pizza!” a muffled voice called from behind the door. Right, lapis recalled, the pizza.

_____________________________________

When lapis woke up the next morning her mood had brightened considerably from yesterday's. She was a little disheartened to find her bed empty with sleep marks from only one person, but it did little to dull her mood. She sat up and rubbed sleep from her eyes, wincing as she did when pain shot through the right side of face.

She groaned as she stretched. Sunlight shown through her light blue ocean themed curtains and spilled out onto the floor, creating beams of golden light around the foot of her bed. As lapis glanced into her mirror from her bed, she took notice of the lightened color of her bruises. The soft purple hue outer edges of her mark had changed into an almost highlighter yellow, whereas in the darker areas, it had darkened even further from it's original shade. The splotchy smaller bruise on her jaw was almost unchanged except for the light yellow outer edges on one side. Her lip and scabbed over but was looking better than yesterday.

Lapis sighed and ran a hand over her face. She glanced at the clock on her night stand and sighed. She was late for work, really   
late. She grabbed her phone of her nightstand and clicked it awakes, swiping the screen open as she did. She had 6 worried messages from pearl and sapphire combined as well as one from garnet.

She answered the ones from pearl first. The first message was about 10 minutes after her shift started asking if she was coming in today, the second asking if she was okay. The third was more urgent and only from a moment or so before, demanding an answer and a threat to send a swat team to raid her apartment if she ignored her. 

Lapis chuckled drily as she clicked open the response box. ‘I’m fine.’ she sent, her face expressionless. ‘On my way soon, i overslept.’ she read over the others texts that expressed the same amount of worry. Sapphires disclosed the muffled worry of pearls messages whereas garnets single message was almost expressionless simply asking if she was alright and to reply to pearl.

Her phone buzzed in her hand as pearl texted her in relief. Lapis didn't even bother reading the message, just tossing her phone on the bed and pulling her shirt above head. She was already late so she didn’t bother rushing as she pulled of her bed shorts and threw them into the corner of her room. Lapis walked around her room gathering her things for a shower to try to undo some of the knots in her back as well as wash away the sleep from her exhausted mind. She wanted to be as close to tip top shape she could manage for when she went to LIGHTS! 

She undressed completely and stepped into the shower, twisting the knobs to turn the water on. The water blasted through the shower head and splashed against her pale skin. The bathroom filled with steam as she scrubbed her arms with sweet smelling soap and washed her hair. She let the water run down her face and spray over her eyelids. The warmth of the water soothed her nerves to a point and soaked her blue hair, leaving it hanging in her face, not that she minded.

Lapis sighed and turned off the water and stepped out of the tub and onto the black bathroom rug. She rubbed her hair dry and patted at her skin try to keep from scrubbing blotchy spots onto her arms and legs. The aftermath of the assault of the water yielded her skin a soft baby pink. She clasped her bra into place and pulled a gray baby doll tee shirt over her head and adjusted in to settle along her waist. Next came the bland khaki colored cargo pants. She stepped into to one of the pant legs, stumbling as she did. She sighed as she straightened and pulled her pants up the rest of the way and buttoned and zipped them.

She opened the bathroom door and set her towel in the laundry hamper. Steam escaped through the opening and out into the living room. The pizza from the night before lay discarded on the counter, the box hanging open. Lapis walked to the door and shrugged on her coat and slipped into her shoes. She didn't bother with makeup and just grabbed her bag and tossed her phone into it and headed out the door and downstairs into the cold air. 

The sky was bright through the break in the cloud line, and it made the street feel more open than it usually did. The smaller school children chased each other around the side walk in circles as they waited for the school bus to cart them off to school. Cars passed by every now and again and stirred up a freezing breeze that blasted against lapis’s neck and made her shiver. Her nose burned from breathing the sharp air and her throat felt dry and itchy. Grey clouds floated by and send varying shades of light flooding onto the ground below and played with the shadows there, making them dance.

Before lapis knew it she was at the coffee shop and pushing the door open. The inside was warm as usual but almost carried a feverish tone. Voiced faded into one distinct sound and soft lights set mood lighting in place. 

Lapis walked behind the counter and hung her jacket and bag on the rack and pulled her apron over her head. Pearl rushed over and pulled her in a quick hug as lapis tied the strings in place behind her back. “Where have you been?” pearl squaked as she pulled back to examine lapis’s face.

“I overslept is all, pearl.” lapis said, shrugging. “It wasn't too much for you to handle on you own was it?” she asked, convered.

Pearl laughed and fluffed her short peach colored hair. “Nothing to much for me.” pearl chuckled out confidently. Lapis laughed at her cocky behavior and walked to the counter to her her station set up to where she was ready. Pearl walked back over to her own station a little down the way and smiled at her. The doorbell chimed through the buzzing air and cold air spilled into the little shop. Lapis looked over to greet the new visitor but found herself stopped cold.

It was the same girl from the day before. Her hair was a bit unorderly and disheveled and her glances sat a little crooked on her nose, which was pink from the cold. Her skin was paled from the cool temperatures and made her freckled cheeks seem more prominent. The strap of her black bag was snuggly tucked between her breasts and embroidered with buttons of different sizes and types. Her black hoodie was a bit oversized and had neon green drawstrings. Her slack off colored dark grey jeans rode low on her hips and she walked over to the same corner from yesterday. Her nails had been painted bright green since the day before and her face showed eye makeup that shielded the tops of her eye lids and contrasted her dark green eyes.

She sat in the display window seat and dragged both her knees to her chest and pulled her laptop out of her backpack. The cover was dark and the bright screen reflected long streams of confusing numbers onto her round glasses. 

Lapis was brought back to reality by a tap on her shoulder that made her jump. Pearl looked at her quizzically but didn't pry. She looked back to the register in front of her and pressed a few keys to pop it open and do a cash inventory. She didn't notice when the girl closed her laptop and walked to pearls register and startled her when she started speaking. 

“Can i just have a hot chocolate with mint?” the girl asked as she considered the list of drinks. Pearl smiled kindly and nodded ringing her up. “Sure thing, can i get your name for when it's ready?” pearl asked. The girl thought a moment before nodding. “My names peridot.” she stated blandly. “P-E-R-I-D-O-T.” she spelled out before pulling her phone out of her pocket and clicking open one of her apps. 

Pearl nodded and jotted the name down on a notepad before returning her gaze to peridot. “Alright then, you're order will be ready in a few minutes.” pearl said with a smile. Peridot nodded and walked back over to her previous spot opening up her laptop again.

Peridot, lapis thought to herself. Her name is peridot. She considered this for a few moments before nodding to herself in silent confirmation. The name wasn't familiar to her at all. Maybe she really was an out of towny, she thought. The day passed by rather quickly. The girl left about an hour and a half later which left lapis with nothing but time on her hands since it was remarkably unbusy for a friday. Sapphire came in at about noon to work her shift early so she would be able to go with them to lights, but other than that the day was pretty much empty.

Eventually five o’clock rolled around left lapis, pearl, and sapphire free to go. As lapis hung her apron on the rack the door bell dinged and drew everyone in the shops gaze to it. Ruby stepped in the door, cursing as she did her dark cheeks were a ruddy color from the cold and her poofy frizzy hair stuck up every which way under and over the top of her deep red headband. 

“Ruby!” Sapphire called out excitedly before she jumped over the counter and into ruby's arms. She stumbled back but kept a firm grip on sapphire. Sapphires light mocha skin contrasted with her icy whitish blond hair that covered her blue eyes, one of which was a fake, thanks to a horrible car accident that left her unable to see through it since she was four. They kissed passionately as soon as ruby got her bearings. When they pulled back ruby scooped sapphire up into her arms and nuzzling the crook of her neck, sending her into a fit of giggles.

Lapis watched them enviously as she pulled on her jacket. They looked so happy and flawless. The perfect power couple where every movement and every gaze was easy as breathing. Lapis knew it wasn't right to think that they had it all made and it came to them so simply. Sapphire had been kicked out of her house the second she had told her mother and father. Ruby had had the crap beaten out of her by her father before they threw her out of the house. She still felt envious of them.

Sapphire finally managed to reluctantly escape rubies arms and the assault of kisses before she walked over to the coat rack to pull on her white woolen hat and blue and white winter coat. “Do any of you guys need a ride?” ruby asked as she wrapped her arm over sapphires shoulders. Pearl smiled and shook her head no. “garnet will be here any minute to pick me up so we can go home and get ready.” she explained and she fidgeted with her yellow over sweater. Lapis sighed and consider the offer. It was definitely way too cold to walk home, let alone walk all the way to LIGHTS!, so she begrudgingly accepted the offer.

“Yeah, actually ruby i kinda do need a ride if you wouldn't mind driving me.” she said in a sheepish tone. Ruby smiled widely as her phone rang in her pocket. “Shit it's navy, i’ve gotta take this.” ruby said as she stepped outside and pressed her phone to her ear. Lapis cast a worried glance sapphires way that silently asked for information. 

Sapphire sighed before answering. “Navy’s been having some… problems of her own lately.” sapphire glanced down at the floor. “She graduated high school not long ago and just recently came out to her family. Her mom was so disgusted she took away her rights to stay on campus and she making her pay her own way through college.” sapphire whispered. “Since she doesn't turn 18 until next month her mom is forcing her to stay at home. Ruby's been doing was she can but, her hands are tied and navy’s mom is being so cruel! She's making her go to all of these different counselors and go to all these church events, it's sickening.” sapphire said, gritting her teeth as she did. 

“Her sisters are doing what they can but they don't want to cross their mother. And everybody is worried about legend.” lapis took a second to try to recall all the times she had met rubies little cousins. All she could dredge up was a few parties and holidays. Legend was the youngest of rubies cousins with a birthmark coloring the side of her thigh, respectively earning her the nickname leggy. Navy was the second youngest and had always been super sweet and and considerate. It was completely unfair that this was her fate until her sisters or rubies could get to her. 

Ruby walked back into the shop with a darkened expression of hopelessness. She sighed deeply before tucking her phone back into the pocket of her varsity jacket. “Aunt riana just grounded her from leaving the house and smashed her phone with a hammer. Leggy let her borrow hers secretly. She won't even let her and leggy in the same room alone because she's worried that she’ll corrupt her with disgusting ideas.” ruby said angrily. Sapphire rubbed her hand in circles around rubies shoulders and soothed her hair back out of her face. “Baby, there's nothing we can do until she turns 18. Then we can go the very second the clock hits midnight.” sapphire said, certainty shaping her expression.

Ruby nodded and stretched before settling back into her former stance with her arm around sapphire. “Alright pearl, we’re gonna take off so lapis can get ready, see you in the club in about 20 minutes.” pearl nodded as ruby and sapphire turned towards the door. Lapis followed after them, pulling her phone out of her pocket. It was almost six now.

Ruby had parked a little down the road to try to avoid any tickets from the police about violations and it took a few moments before they reached the car in the dimming light. The modest black car was a older model but it was pretty nice for a second hand ownership. Ruby unlocked the car and open the door for sapphire sending her into a fit of giggles.

Lapis smirked and opened her door climbing into the car and buckling up. Ruby climbed into the car started the car, letting it run for a minute or so for the heater to warm up the car and defog the windshield. She set the car in drive and took off down the road. Ruby and sapphire held hands as she drove, the radio playing soft christmas music in the background. The sky had turned inky black and made the lights of passing by building seem even brighter foreground.

The car slowed as they came closer to lapis’s apartment. Eventually the car came to a stop in front of the door. “Alright i'll be out in a few minutes.” lapis said as she climbed out of the car and into the cold winter air. “Do you want me to come up to?” sapphire asked. Lapis considered before shrugging. “You can if you want but jasper is doing some classes until late tonight.” she said nonchalantly. 

Sapphire smiled and undid her seat belt and kissed ruby quickly before opening her door and stepping onto the sidewalk. The skirt she wore rode a little high up on her waist as she stood up, making ruby whistle jokingly. Sapphire stuck her tongue out and pulled her skirt into place and waved bye.

Lapis walked towards the building and sapphire followed close behind. As soon as they were safely in the apartment sapphire tugged lightly on lapis’s sleeve. Lapis turned to ask what the problem was only to be met with a sad expression that rang with knowledge of a horrible crime. She stepped back, shaken before she composed herself enough to ask what was wrong.

“W-what's up, Sapphire? Is something wrong?” lapis asked refusing to meet her obstructed gaze. Sapphires frown deepened. “Lapis,” sapphire said her voice calm and solid. “How did you get those bruises.” she asked the question more like a statement. Lapis glanced back at sapphire before giving a shaky laugh and waving her off. “I was super tired a night or two ago and wasn't paying attention to where i was walking, and i ended up tripping and hitting the coffee table…” she said as she walked off to her bedroom. 

“Three times?” sapphire asked. Her voice sounded like she didn't buy it for a second. Lapis paused before she answered. “It was a hard fall.” she said as she opened her bedroom door and stepped inside. Her heart was hammering in her chest and making her ribs ache. She pulled her shirt over her head and dragged her pants off throwing both garments on the floor behind her. Her closet door had been left open that morning and exposed every piece of clothing inside. She pulled a black tanktop out of her closet and tossed it onto her bed a pair of black ‘distressed’ skinny jeans was next followed by a blue grey flannel. 

She kicked off her shoes and reached into the bottom of her closet for a pair of ankle boots. She walked over to her bed snatched up the tank top, testing it against her skin tone in the darkness until her irritability got the best of her and she clicked the light on. She decided it look alright at put it on and walked over to her dresser pulling open her top drawer and grab the deodorant and putting it on as well. Next she wiggled her way into her pants and shoes putting on her flannel shirt next. She walked over to her closet again and grabbed her snap back as a last minute thought and pulled it on as she stepped out of her room. She walked over to the living room mirror and quickly applied eyeshadow and eyeliner, leaving her pale lips nude since she didn't want to bother with her cut. Sapphire smiled as lapis turned towards her. “You look lovely.” she said with a smile.

Lapis blushed and grabbed her bag. She pulled her keys out of her pocket and picked up her phone and slid it in her bag. “Come on.” lapis said, smiling. The girls gathered themselves without anymore mentions of bruises or false painful falls. 

Ruby sat in the car tone-deaf singing her way through a christmas song. Sapphire slide into a car and kissed ruby on her cheek. Lapis smiled and got in the back seat. The car was back on the shining road only moments later and heading down one of the main roads. Soon the girls saw the bright neon sign with the word LIGHTS! Illuminating the street beneath in bright almost white blue lights.

Lapis started grinning uncontrollably as memories of past endeavors flooded her mind and heightened her senses. Ruby parked in the parking lot and turned the car off. Lapis practically burst out of the car as soon as she was unbuckled. Ruby and Sapphire followed close behind and chatted idly. Even outside of the bar music could be heard pulsing, and hear the sounds of people's feet stomping as they danced. She opened the door and the muffled pounding turned into full out blasts of music and the sound of people shouting to be heard over the music. The air was thick with the scent of fruity drinks and feminine scented cologne. Lapis breathed in deeply and stepped inside. 

LIGHTS! had been one of the first LGBT bars to open up in maryland and it had a special place in everybody who had ever went hearts. The layout was rugged but modern with two separate bar areas and a large dance floor. The first bar area was the one connected with the dance floor whereas the second you had to walk through a door to get to and was often the place where the lonely hearts and people looking to drown their sorrows went to congregate and reflect off each other and then, more often than not, hook up.

Lapis closed the door and waited for ruby and sapphire to catch up with her when she heard a soft toned british accented voice come from behind her. Pearl was on Garnet’s arm when they walked up to lapis with smiles on both of their faces. Not long ago they had gone out like this every other weekend together. Now it was a rare treat that was considered a big event. Ruby and sapphire followed close behind garnet and pearl. Garnet waved with her free hand when she got closer. “Hey lapis, been a while hasn't it?” garnet asked with a smile. Lapis nodded returning her smile.

Everyone walked into the bar and chatted quietly. Ruby and sapphire broke off and headed for the dance floor, but pearl and garnet hung back. Lapis walked towards the bar and sat down. The girl behind the counter turned to greet lapis and started smiling. “Lapis! It's been forever!” she said with a grin leaning across the counter to give her a hug. “Opal, i didn't know you were working tonight.” lapis said returning the embrace gladly. Opals hair was a sandy yellow color that clashed with her sun tanned skin and violet eyes that were only made more colorful bye her olive colored vest and classical white dress shirt. They spoke for a little while, catching up before lapis heard someone sit a seat down from her as she turned to see who it was. 

Peridot sat down and ran a hand through her spiky blond hair, not bothering to look up from her phone. “Can i have a espresso with a shot of liquor?” she asked finally looking up. Opal smiled and moved to the wall of drinks behind her. “Of course.” opal said as she readied the drink. A few moments later opal set a small white glass on a plate in front of peridot. It had two orange slices on the side as well as a stirring spoon.

Lapis sat stiffly as she wondered what the same girl was doing at a gay bar. Was she a lesbian? Probably. She just shrugged and ordered a jello shot. She had already down two or three jello shots before lapis heard a voice coming from beside her. “Hey um, i don't mean to be like rude or anything but are you that girl that works at jenny's?” Peridot asked looking at her confused. 

Lapis slowly turned and as she did, she felt her heart stop when she came face to face with the green eyed girl in front of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! i told you i was going to upload agian soon. so i think ive decided how often this is going to update and im thinking twice a week. chapter four should be up on thursday. if you have any questions, comments, or concerns feel free to reach out to me either here or at my tumblr lapis-mylazuli!


	4. crimes of passion

Lapis looked away before managing to stutter out an answer. “Yep, every other day.” she said with a small smile. “Aren't you that girl from earlier?” lapis asked jokingly. Peridot laughed once before she squeezed one of her orange sliced into her drink. They sat in awkward silence for a few more moments before either of them had dared to fill the empty air.

Peridot gave an uncomfortable cough before she swirled the liquid in her cup around in circles. “So,” she said, her face flushing darkly. “What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this.” peridot said not daring to make eye contact and embarrass herself further. “Really?” lapis scoffed as she took another shot. ”is that all you got?” she said turning to face her. Lapis sighed and set down her drink before standing. Peridot looked humiliated. Lapis shook her head and grabbed her hand and hauled her out onto the dance floor behind her. Peridot stumbled over her feet and lapis twirled her and laughed with quiet happiness.

As the song drew to an end lapis have peridot one final twirl that caused her to trip over peridot and have them land in a teasingly close dip. As the song ended people cheered for the dJ and peridot and lapis straightened up, laughing as they did. They walked to the side lines and found places to side to try and catch their breath with little problem. “Hahaha, that was great!’’ peridot called out with a smile. Peridot looked at lapis who was smiling widely. “So um, does this mean i can get your number?” she asked sheepishly

Lapis stopped in her tracks and glanced over to peridot before sighing. “Actually peridot, you can have my number, but i already have a girlfriend.” She pulled out her phone to show her the background and prove she wasn't lying. Peridot looked at lapis’s phone before turning away and hanging her head. “Oh, um i guess that's ok.” she said in a quiet voice. Lapis smiled and sighed before grabbing peridots face and turning her to face her. 

She leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to peridots cheek before retreating quickly. Peridots face flushed bright red as she jerked back sputtering, her hand pressed against her cheek. Lapis pulled a slip of paper and a pen out of her bag and scribbled her number on it. She stuck it in the dumbstruck peridot’s hand before walking away and disappearing into the crowd of dancers.

__________________________________________

Peridot sat in complete stillness for almost five minutes before she could pull herself together enough to glance at the piece of paper in her hand. Was she for real!?!!? Peridot wondered to herself. Just then she felt the familiar sensation of her phone buzzing in her pocket breaking her completely from her daze. She pulled her phone out of her hoodie pocket and clicked it on. The message was from one of the girls she had come to the bar with. Peridot shook her head and tapped the call button and stuck her phone to her ear.

“What is it, amethyst?” peridot asked a little more than annoyed. Amethyst laughed one the opposite end of the line. “Where are you dot?” amethyst shouted through the speaker. Peridot sighed and pulled her phone away from her ear in distaste. She scanned the crowd to see if she could spot her but came up empty.

“I’m at the bar area, why?” she asked turning back to her abandoned drink. This was peridots first time at a club like this so she was completely unfamiliar with how any of it worked. “I'm just trying to regroup is all have you seen stevonnie?” amethyst asked making her way to the edge of swaying bodies. Peridot was concerned as she glanced around the crowded room trying with little hope to find either of her friends. 

Eventually she saw stevonnie scoffing and walking away from a persistent boy who kept stepping in front of her. “Come on baby, you and i were meant for each other! Why are you fighting something so obviously meant to be?’’ the boy said, smoothing his hair back as he did. Stevonnie whirled around and stomped her foot angrily glaring in the boy's direction. “Because i'm not interested! And my names stevonnie and i am not your baby!” she stalked off towards the bar and thumped down on the first barstool she came to. 

Peridot followed her to the bar and sat beside her. “Tough love?” she said in a joking voice. Stevonnie gagged and straightened their ponytail, waving over the bartender as they did.  
“I'm just not interested in anyone.” stevonnie said as they scanned over the drinks. Opal walked up as she was cleaning a shot glass with smile.”what can i get for you?” she asked setting the cup down. “Um. it's more of a party drink actually, do you make rum and coke?” they asked scanning the row once again. Opal smiled kindly and nodded turning around and grabbing a bottle from behind her and swirling in in circles in her hand. She set the bottle on the countertop and stooped down into the mini fridge beneath the bar and grabbed a bottle of coke.

She cracked the top of both bottles and poured them into the cup. The drink fizzed considerably in the glass and she pushed it towards stevonnie. “Just put it on my tab.” stevonnie said as they took a drink. Yep, peridot thought, toughlove.

_________________________________________

Lapis found all of her group dancing on the floor and pumping their fists in the air to the beat of the music. She sighed and shivered, then she panicked. What time was it?! She wondered in horror as she grabbed pearls arm and dragged her away from garnet and off the dance floor. “Hey!” pearl protested before seeing who it was. “Pearl i need to go home, like right now.” lapis said as she wheeling around the club looking desperately for a clock.

Pearl was surprised at lapis’s outburst but reluctanly agreed. Lapis frantically patted her pockets for phone only to find it was dead. Her body went completly numb as a cold weight settled in her chest, head and stretched to the soles of her feet. Pearl walked up to garnet and kissed her check and told her where she was going. Lapis practically sprinted to the car and threw the door open when she got to it. Pearl had to run to catch up to her. “Lapis whats wrong?” pearl asked, her toned filled with worry. “Are you feeling sick? I can take to to go see Dr. Mah-” lapis whirled around and cut her off.

“Just take me home! Please?” lapis asked frantically. Pearl nodded and set the car in drive and drove out of the parking lot. They were on the road for what seemed like forever to lapis but what in reality was probably only a few minutes. She bounced her leg incesantly and chewed her bottom lip until she saw the familiar row of buildings and pearl pulled up to her building.

She ripped off her seatbelt and threw open her door, not even bothering to say goodbye to pearl. Snowflakes had just started to rain from the inky black sky and they covered her hair and eyelashes as she bolted across the parking lot, her breath rising in small clouds of steam. She jogged through the empty lobby and up the stairs and eventually made it to her hallway. Lapis hesitated at the door way, her heart pounding and her chest aching for air. She opened the door to the dimly lit apartment and stepped inside, trying to be as quiet as possible and praying that jasper had already gone to bed.

Jasper sat on the couch staring at the tv, the coffee tables covered in beer cans. She whirled around when she heard the door click and stood up, setting her can on the table with a loud thud. She crossed the room in an instant and shoved lapis against the wall, the lightswitch bitting into her shoulder blade. “Do you have any idea what time it is!” she yelled as she grabbed lapis’s face and forced her to look at her. Lapis glanced to the clock on the wall. It was almost midnight.

“Jasper i-i’m so sorry, i-i-i didnt know, my phone died…” lapis glanced away. She had hoped that would passify her, but all it did was ignite a whole new fire. “It is your job to make sure that doesnt happen! Quit making excuses!’’ jasper said angrily. Lapis didnt even have time to ready herself before she was nocked across the room and into the wall mirror, shattering glass around her as she lay on the floor. She felt blood seep down from above her hair line and pool on the floor around her face. Jasper stalked over and dragged her up by her hair.

“If you ever stay out later than i say you can again, i will make sure you can‘t move to get there.” jasper hissed in her ear, before she dropped her back on the ground and walked over to the fridge and grab a six pack of beer. Jasper walked back over to lapis and placed a hard kick in her ribcage. “Get up.” was all she said before she walked to her room and slammed the door shut. 

She didnt know how long she layed on the ground before she heard a knock at the door. “Lapis!” pearl called from outside of the door. “Lapis are you alright? Garnet and i where wonder if you wanted to stay the night over at our place tonight.” she said as she nocked on the door again. Lapis tried to sit up but fell back to the ground as a wave of dizzyness and pain over came her. “I-im-,” lapis tried to speak but it was to much. She needed to get out but she was so worried about jasper. “I-im ok, pearl. I’ll be out-” she stopped, dear god it hurt, she didnt even notice the tears leaking down her face to mix with the blood on the floor.

“i’ll be out in a second” she finally mangaged to choke out. “Oh ok.” pearl said from being the door. “Can i come in or-” “NO!” lapis shrieked as she scrambled to lock the door. She sighed when she finally managed to lock the dead bolt with slippary fingers. She raised a hand to her forehead to trip to stop then bleeding. Lapis stood slowly and leaned against the wall for support. “Why did you come b-by pearl…” lapis gasped out, willing to heard anything to save her from the strangling silence. She limped to the sink and turned the water on and pulled her shirt carefully over her head. “Oh well, garnet and i were worried about you when you rushed out so fast, and then you didnt call so we decided to check on you and maybe get you to stay the night with us.

Lapis glanced back the clock and gagged when she saw that it was almost three in the morning. She ran her shirt under the water can wrung it out into the sink. Lapis started into the pink tinged water and felt her stomach heave and she moved her hands out of the way. There was blood in her vomit as she puked into the sink as she shivered. She felt a cut on the inside of her mouth and she assumed that she must have bitting her cheek when she hit the ground. She rinsed her mouth and the sink before she used her shirt to wash her face, since it was going to have to be thrown away anyhow.

“Lapis are you okay in there?” pearl asked nocking quietly. “Yeah im fine pearl just… just gimme a sec to get some stuff together.” lapis sputtered out when she felt confindant that a large amount of the blood was washed away. She tossed her shirt into the waist basket and pulled off her tanktop and threw it away to. She drank water from her cupped hands and tried to settle her stomach as she walked to her room to grab a duffle bag and a set of clothes. Lapis could here jaspers snoring through the walls and shuddered. She stuff the bag and pulled on a jacket before she walked out of the room, phone charger in hand. 

She walked to jaspers room and push the door open and saw jasper asleep half hanging off her bed, discarded beer cans littering the floor. Lapis shook her head as she stepped over the trash and pressed a kiss to jaspers cheek before she left with room. She opened the door to pearl watching the hallway window as the snow came down. “Oh lapis! What too-” she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw lapis lean against the door frame exhausted from the effort of simply walking. 

Pearl rushed over and tried to be as gentle as possible to wrap her in a hug. She still winced. Pearl brushed lapis’s hair away from the large slash just above her hairline. Blood was caked heavily in her hair and matted it to her skull. The entire upper left side of her face was swollen and blotchy. Blood stained the right side pink and mized with tear streaks. “Oh my god, lapis no…” pearl said as she began to cry. “I fell down the stairs when i was running up to the apartment it's no big deal…” she said as she pulled back. 

“Lapis, no, NO- stop i will not let her keep letting her beat you like this, i shouldn’t have let it go on for this long!” pearl said as she grabbed lapis’s hand. “Pearl this is none of your business! It's none of your business what goes on in my apartment or my love life!” lapis said ripping her hand away and cradeling it against her chest. Pearl looked at her as she turned around. “Lapis at the very least let me take you to the hospital, please.” pearl begged.

Lapis shook her head in denial. “No, no hospitals.” lapis said as she hiked her bag higher on her shoulder. Pearl just looked at the ground and closed her eyes. “We’ll discuss this more when we get home ok, lapis?” she asked as she slowly relieved lapis of the bag. Lapis just nodded and followed after her. They had to pause several times as the descended on the stairs until eventually pearl had to drag her down when the dizzy spells became to much for her fragile body to handle.

Lapis was thankful that the lobby was deserted as they passed through the doors. The snow was still falling consistantly as she limped to the car. The ride passed in a blur as pearl chatted quietly and tried to keep lapis awake. Eventually they pulled into the driveway of a medium sized house in an sleeping neighborhood. The lights inside of the house were still on when the car pulled up and the door opened only moments later. Garnet walked out to the car and unbuckled lapis, picking her up wrapping her arms around her neck. 

“You have to stay awake just a little bit longer, then you can sleep.” garnet said as she stepped over the threshhold. The inside of the house was large and warm and brightly lite, unlike lapis’s small apartment. Garnet walked over to the beiche couch and slowly layed lapis down on one of the cusions. “Pearl go get the first aid kit and call rose, i think she might have some of the same questions that i do.” garnet said as she adgusted her dark sunglasses. Pearl nodded and walked into the kitchen to complete what garnet had asked of her.

Garnet looked at lapis and sat on the coffee table to look her over. Her gaze fell from the new bruising and fresh cut to pass over and linger on the healing ones. “Lapis,” garnet said as she locked eyes with lapis. “Im only going to ask you once, so dont lie. How did you get those bruises and when were they put there?” garnet asked, her voice steady and calm. Lapis looked away and favored instead, staring at her hands, pulling flecks of dried blood off her knuckels.

“When i was rushing up the stairs, i tripped and fell. I should have been more careful.” she whispered. Pearl walked out of the kitchen and closed the door loudly behind her making lapis jump and shriek. “Im so sorry, i should have been more careful!” pearl said as she rushed over. She set the large first aid kit on the table next to garnet. Pearl cleared her throught and gave garnet a ‘are you crazy or just suicidal’ look. “Why are you sitting on my coffee table?” she asked as she tapped her foot. Garnet gave a small smile and stood up.

“Did you call her?” garnet asked, looking at pearl. Pearl nodded and glanced over at lapis before looking back at garnet. “May i have a word with you in the kitchen for a moment?” pearl asked garnet, motioning towards the kitchen door. Garnet nodded as she began to walk. “Hey um… can- can i charge my phone?” lapis asked as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, thankfully it was undamaged. Garnet walked over to one of the tables beside the couch and pulled open the drawer, taking from it a portable charger. She walked over to lapis and handed it to her with a small smile.

Lapis returned the smile and accepted the charger. She hooked it to her phone and was relieved when the screen showed the charging icon. Garnet and pearl walked into the kitchen and began whispering feverishly back and forth. About ten minutes past before they both came out with dark expressions on their faces. Garnet was about to start speaking when their was a knock on the door. “Stay right there, lapis we’ll be right back.” pearl said as she race walked to the door. 

Pearl opened the door in the entrace hallway with a quick tug and stepped aside. “Pearl, whats wrong? I came as fast as i could when you said you had an emergeny is someone hurt?” the voice said. Pearl sighed heavily. “Yes rose, someone is very hurt. I was wondering if you’d talk to her for us, please?” pearl asked defeated. Rose nodded and took off her winter coat and hung it on the rack followed by her umbrella.

Lapis pulled her knees to her chest and made sure her dark blue jacket was zipped all the way up. Who was rose? She wondered. She didnt think she had ever heard pearl talk about her. Maybe she was an old friend? Rose walked into the room as lapis turned around and her eyes widened. Lapis looked her up and down trying to see if she could remember her either from pictures of events, but came up empty.

Rose was tall with huge pink curly hair and pale brown eyes. Her skin was pale and her eyes glimmered with warmth and motherly love. Rose looked to garnet and pearl. “Can we have some privacy please” rose asked in a quiet voice. They both nodded and walked up stairs. Rose sighed and pulled her bangs out of her face and walked to the couch and sat beside lapis. Lapis looked at rose until she felt incredubly uncomftorble with the situation. “S-so your rose, right?” she asked, trying to pick up on small talk. Rose laughed quietly and nodded. “I am, although i dont know your name.” she said turning to completly face her.

Lapis looked down at the couch. “It's lapis, lapis lazuli.” she said as she place with a string on her jeans. Rose smile widened and her eyes seemed to glow. “Well lapis, it wonderful to meet you, but i think im here under less than wonderful circumstances.” roses said laying a gental warm hand under lapis’s chin. 

“So why dont you start off by telling me who did this to you.” rose said in a sad tone. Lapis looked at her before returning to picking at her jeans. She didnt want to lie anymore, but on the other hand she had to protect jasper. Jasper couldnt control how she acted when she was drunk. She decided to take a gamble with fate instead. “My girlfriend, jasper.” she said quietly  
“But she couldnt stop it, she was drunk and she was just upset that i was home late, and that i didnt call her and tell her i was going to be late. I just lost track of time and then my phone died…” she trailed off as she started crying again.

“If i had just come home the time i was told to she wouldn't- this wouldn't have happened!” she said hiding her face in her knees. Rose took lapis’s hand and squeezed it lightly. 

“Nothing that happened today or any other day was your fault. Never doubt yourself, because you are not nor will you ever be responsible.” she sound with a firm expression. Rose nodded and picked up the first aid kit, opening it as soon as she set it down. “Ok, now that that's out of the way, lets get you patched up.” she pulled a cotton swab from one of the compartments and opened a small bottle of rubbing alcohol. She pushed the cotton swab against the neck of the bottle and turned the bottle upside down for a few seconds.rose set the bottle on the table and sighed. “Okay, sweet heart this is gonna hurt, but dont jerk.” rose said as she moved lapis’s hair out of the way. Lapis nodded and braced for the stinging pain.

Lapis sucked in a sharp breath and slammed her eyes shut when felt the pain but did her best not to move. “I know, i know, im sorry.” rose murmured quietly as she tried to cleaned the cut as fast as she could. Eventually Rose stopped and sighed angrily. “Lapis, honey, how did you get that cut?” she asked as she pulled a pair of small tweezers out of the kit. Lapis bit her lip her before she answered. “Jasper… sorta threw me in a mirror. But im ok! It was just an accident…” she said as she wiped her runny nose. 

“Lapis, im afraid that you're going to have to get stitches…” Rose hesitated. “After i get a few glass shards out.” lapis shudder and tried to pretend it was all a bad dream. Pearl walked down the stairs with tears streaming down her face. Lapis turned to look at her before opening her arms for Pearl. Pearl rushed into the embrace and squeezed her tightly. “Lapis if i had know it was going to get this bad i- i would ha-have done something sooner.” Pearl sobbed into lapis’s shoulder loudly.

“It was none of your business…” lapis mumbled into the embrace. Pearl pulled back and sat cross legged on the floor as garnet walked down the stairs, an angry expression on her face. Garnet looked at Lapis and then over to rose. Before she took off her sunglasses. She stared and Lapis for a long while before she finally relaxed. “Lapis, tomorrow afternoon we’re taking you to get your things from your apartment, you’re going to be staying with us from now on.” Garnet said, in a calm collected voice.

Lapis’s expression grew horrified. “NO!” was all she said before bursting into heart wrenching sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!!! i hope you've been enjoying the story so far! ive read in the comments some really kind as well as helpful things and i would like to say thank you all for your support.


	5. face your demons

Lapis found it near impossible to sleep that night, thanks to the bitter tempest that ravaged its way around the corners of her mind and poisoned her very being till it grew rotten and numb. Her scalp stung from the stitches and her face ached to no end. The room she laid in was dark and colorless, almost like her own room in the apartment. Suddenly memories flooded her mind of when she had her window open on warm nights so that the panes let in the pale moonlight and allowed it to pool on the floor and to twist and turn alongside the constantly changing night sky. 

She sat up and walked to the window to pull open blackout curtains that pearl insisted on being in the guest room. The window was fogged and condensation left streaks, like tear stains, dripping down it's icy surface. The sky was dark and intimidating with only a few breaks in the cloud line. She had broken down into a screaming panic attack after garnet had told her she couldn't see jasper anymore. She needed her, and jasper needed her. Why couldn't they just see it was a problem relationship?

The warmth of the room, drunkened her mind and made the world cave and turn under her feet, almost as if the ground was going to give way beneath her. She hit her knees crying and started pounding the ground with her fists. Snot ran down her face to mix with her tears. She wanted jasper, she needed jasper! She was so scared. Jasper had kept her safe, had comforted her when they were freshly introduced to the world, when they had just been turned out of the high school. When everyone else turned away from her and called her a freak, jasper had been there, and they could get through this together. She hated her for this. She absolutely loathed her for this, but she loved her too. At least she thought she did.

Pearl ran into the room and pulled lapis into her arms, cradling her against her chest until lapis just couldn’t handle it anymore, and she fell into a dark dreamless sleep.

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Lapis woke the next morning alone to the sun shining in through the window. The house was deathly quiet and she could practically hear her thoughts bouncing around her mind like a thousand angry hornets. She sat up and looked around the room, struggling to keep her eyes open as she fought against the drowsiness. Lapis flung her legs over the edge of the bed and ran out of the room.

The wooden floors of the hallway were cold and echoed faintly as she walked down the hallway to garnet and pearl’s room. Thier door was open and the fan inside whirred quietly. Lapis watched them sleep, not even daring to breath for fear of being caught. Garnet held pearl in her arms as the white sheet encircled them. Pillows were scattered around the top of the bed while the comforter had been shoved to the very bottom of the bed, rejected when the heater made the room to drowsily warm to handle. Sunlight illuminated their sleeping figures. They looked so effortlessly happy that it pained lapis to watch as their chest’s rose and sank in near perfect unision. Garnet stirred slightly and she pulled the sheet higher up over her and Pearl’s torso. Lapis watched for a few more seconds before she retreated to the living room to grab her bag and her shoes.

She slid on her converse and laced them up as fast as she could manage with trembling fingers. As soon as her shoes were tied she snatched up her bag and bolted out the door and onto the sidewalk. lapis ran for about a block before she had to stop and catch her breath. She pulled her phone out of her overnight bag and clicked it on going to her messages. She didn't have any missed texts. Thank goodness, she thought, jasper must still be asleep. I'll just go home and get in bed like i never left, she ran over plans in her mind as she went back to walking. Lapis hailed a cab over to the curb and climbed in.

It was about 7:15 and the air was almost too painful to pull into her lungs. The inside of the cab smelled like cigarette smoke and old lipstick, she noticed as she sat back. The cabby turned back to look at lapis with bloodshot eyes and a glare. “Where you headed to?” he asked in an irritated voice. “Mulholland drive, building 14.” lapis said as she stared at the blazing morning sun. he rolled his eyes and started back on the road. She laid her throbbing head against the cool window and tried not to let the bumps in the road slam her head into the glass.

When the cab came to a stop, she handed the driver a twenty and didn't bother getting her change back. Lapis grabbed her bag and got out of the car. She was uncomfortable as she was hit the thr early morning winter breeze. It swept her hair away from her face and made her eyes sting. The cab pulled away behind her as she walked towards the building as fast as she could manage.

The lobby had a few people standing around nonchalantly but it made lapis’s skin crawl as if they were all staring directly at her not breaking eye contact. She rushed up to her room and opened the unlocked door. The inside was quiet and dark. Glass was scattered around the floor from the night before, as well as a small thin pool of dried blood in the middle. Lapis shuddered and pulled her shoes off, tossing them quietly to the side. 

She walked over to her room and pushed the door quietly open and laid her bag down by her bed away from the door, hidden from plain sight. She could hear jasper quietly snoring from her own room and she closed her door firmly behind her. Jaspers door was still open from when she had kissed her goodbye only hours earlier. It felt like forever ago now. Lapis walked over to jasper's bed and thanked her lucky stars that jasper was such a sound sleeper, especially after a night of drinking. 

The bed creaked slightly as lapis layed down next to jasper, trying to make as little noise as possible. Jasper rolled over in her sleep and lightly grabbed lapis’s hand like a safety line. She sighed and waited for jasper to settle again before she adjusted herself. She wasn't sure why but only shear minutes after laying down next to her a heavy weight settled in her chest and made breathing normally near impossible, and she soon found herself shedding silent tears that rolled down her cheeks and onto the bed set. She cried until she her throat was so thick she was practically choking and her eyes were rubbed raw from the continual wiping, and eventually she fell asleep.  
____________________________________________

Lapis wasn't sure how long she had been asleep when grey sunlight hit her eyes and forced her awake, but when she did fully wake up she took automatic notice of the empty space beside her when she looked for jasper sleeping form. Her heart beat a thousand miles a minute as she sat up in bed and tried to sooth down her bed head. The alarm clock on the desk said it was 3 in the afternoon. The room was suffocatingly hot as she pushed the comforter away from her body and took notice of her lack of bottoms. Right, lapis thought to herself, i kicked them off when the heater kicked on… she looked to the bottom of the bed to confirm her suspicions. Her black jeans were crumbled in a discarded manner at the foot of the bed. 

She swung her legs over the edge and stood up, only to have to sit back down when a dizzy spell hit her head on. She looked over to her pillow and inwardly groaned when she notice the spot of blood where her head had been laying. Lapis stood back up and walked out of the room. Jasper was sitting on the couch with her face in her hand. She wore dark grey bed shorts and a black tank top and showed off her strangely marked skin. Her hair was a mess and stuck up in every which way. The tv played a random show that lapis didn't know quietly as background   
noise to try and combat the strangling silence.

Jasper turned when she heard lapis walk up behind her, her golden eyes blazing. That oh so familiar silence surrounded them and filled the space between them. Jasper was the first one that dared speak. “You left.” jasper said as she stood up. Lapis pulled her grabbed her elbows in an effort to have somewhere to put her hands in an attempt to stop them from shaking. 

“Yeah, um, pearl came over and since i was bleeding a little bit from the…” lapis stopped and glanced at the uncleaned pile of glass. “From the mirror, she took to her place for like and hour so she could have a friend of hers patch me up and, i swear it was only like an hour…” she trailed of in an attempt to stop her rambling. “Jasper, i need to talk to you.” lapis said while she stared at her feet.

Jasper nodded and crossed her arms. “What about?” she asked, her yellow eyes glowing. Lapis licked her lips and tightened her grip on her arms. “I- i want you to stop drinking so much, ok?” lapis said as she looked up to meet jasper's gaze. “A-and if you don't,” lapis swallowed thickly. “And if you don't then i’m leaving you…” she whispered out the final words in an attempt to make their effect like potent. Jasper stiffed across from her before she let out a quiet chuckle.

“You can't leave me, you know that i’m all that you have.” jasper relaxed her posture slightly. “We were made for each other. I’m the only that can handle your behavior, no one else is going to put up with all of crying, no one else gets or understands you like i do.” she walked up to lapis and took her face in one of her hands and she leaned in close to the side of her face. “And we both know very well that i won't let you leave.” she whispered in her ear. Lapis’s eyes widened in fear. 

Lapis jerked back and pulled her hand to her chest in an attempt to center herself. “You- you can't stop me either!” she yelled as tears came to her eyes. “I’m sick and tired of being your prisoner!” tears sprung free and leaked down her cheeks. Jasper smacked her across the face and grabbed her hair, wrenching her head back. “Don’t you ever yell at me.” she hissed as she tossed her to the ground. “And clean that shit up.” jasper said as she motioned to the pile of glass. She stalked off to her bedroom and slammed her door shut. 

Lapis picked herself from the ground and feverishly rubbed her eyes as she hiccupped and sobbed silently. She walked to the laundry room and picked up the broom and dustpan before she walked back out to the pile of glass and cleaned it up, afterwards going over the area with a warm wet wash cloth. Her phone rang in her room as she rung out the cloth into the sink, careful to clean up any shards that might remain. 

She walked into her room and wasn't surprised when she saw it was pearl. She was probably frantic. Lapis check jaspers door to make sure it was shut and was relieved to find she had loud rock music playing and high as her stereo could go without complaints from other tenants. She quickly retreated to her room and locked the door behind her. Lapis answered the phone and pressed it to her ear. Pearl worried frantic voice come over, indistinguishable on the other side. “Im ok, im ok, im ok…” lapis must have repeated it a thousand time before pearl calmed down enough to actually talk to her. 

“Where are you, garnet and I are coming to get you.” pearl said, faint sounds of the road filling the silence behind her words. Lapis looked around her room before she sighed and ran her free hand through her hair. “I’m- i’m back at my apartment.” she said quietly. “Can you come get? I’ll be waiting outside.” lapis asked. Pearl sighed on the other end of the line. “Why did you go back to her lapis? We told you not to.” lapis started crying when she tried to answer. “I-i-i thought i wo-would be able t-t-to talk to her but, she won't listen.” she managed to stammer out past the tears. She wiped her face of snot and tears. Her entire body was radiating an uncomfortable heat and made her pulse thrum heavily in her head.

“Lapis don’t cry, we’ll be there soon, ok? Just wait outside. We’ll come back for your things later.” garnets voice spoke, muffled, in the background. The speaker rattled noisily and the phone changed hands. “Lapis, are you ok?” garnet asked, concern lacing her tone. “Yeah, i’m ok…’ lapis said, sniffing loudly. “We’re about 3 minutes away, so be ready.” she said as she accelerated the car. Garnet handed the phone back to pearl and focused on the road.

Lapis walked to her door with the phone and unlocked the door. She stepped outside the doorway and relocked the knob, closing the door soundly behind her to give the illusion that she was still inside. She walked over to the coat rack and grabbed a light coat, toboggan, and scarf. Then, as fast as she could manage she left the apartment and took off down the cold hallway.  
“Pearl, i have to go, but i’ll be outside waiting.” lapis said as she walked to the lobby. “Ok we’ll be there very very soon, don't go anywhere.” pearl said firmly. “Ok bye, see you soon.” she said and she hit the red end call button and stepped outside into the cold. She was met with bitter icy wind when she opened the door that stung her face and burned her already raw eyes. She walked over to the bench outside and sat down in an attempt to steer her mind towards anything other than how cold it was. She was thankful when the black mustang pulled up infront of her.

Lapis stood up and practically ran to the car and flung the door open and sat down. Pearl unbuckled her seat belt and opened her door and climbed in beside lapis. Lapis tucked her cold throbbing face into pearls should, to tired to cry anymore. “Please just get me away from here…” she said quietly, almost begging as she rubbed her hands together to try and drive away the cold that numbed her fingertips.

Garnet nodded and took off down the road while pearl bombarded lapis with questions of why she had returned. Lapis, however, was just happy that she was finally away from that haunting tomb she once welcomed called home. Why hadn’t she let pearl do something? She wondered in self loathing silence. That small voice that had left her alone for so long before whispered quietly back to life. You can forgive, you can forget… it whispered to her silently, the quiet voice of a broken intuition. Lapis leaned against pearls shoulder, to tired to argue.  
____________________________________________

Pearl held lapis and tried to keep her talking to her, unwilling to let her lapse deep into her thoughts. “So what are you wanting for dinner, we can get take out if you like?” lapis nodded. “Yeah ok, whatever you say.” she said, her voice barely audible over the newly started rain. Pearl was disheartened at her half-hearted response but still kept going, frantic to bring back some of the old lapis. “We’ll come back later to get your things, and after that you can stay with us as long as you’d like.” pearl said with a smile looking down in hopes to see lapis’s expression. “Ok.” was all she said as she looked up to meet pearls eyes.

Lapis’s eyes were dull and expressionless, completely different from when that had first met. Two and a half years ago lapis had come to with jasper to that quiet little college town to try and get away from the mockery, teasing, and abuse they had suffered through during their highschool years. That's where lapis met pearl. When pearl had first met lapis, there had been such a fire in her eyes that everybody around her could be fueled by her alone. The fire that had once warmed lapis’s expression was now gone, completely extinguished by the years of repressions and silencing. Now not even embers remained.

The car ride that followed was quiet breed a depressing atmosphere that didn't help the situation. Pearl was relieved when they pulled up in the driveway. Lapis got out of the car on her own and walked through the door and disappeared into the guest room, closing the door behind her. Pearl watched her go, unknowing of what she could say to make her feel better after such a horrendous experience. She shuddered to think of all of the pain she must have endured all of the months leading up to this exact moment.

Pearl vowed silently within herself, that some way somehow, she was going to help lapis get her life back on track, like it had been a little over a year ago.


	6. Chapter 6

Peridot awoke in a daze the next morning as the sun spilled through the curtains in her room. Boxes were piled in the corner in frightening towers that could have put even that architectural masters to shame. The clock beside her bed said it was about noon. She groaned loudly before she climbed out of bed and walked over to her closet to retrieve a set of clothes so she could go down to the coffee shop for what seemed like the hundredth time to try and study. 

’And to see lapis…’ a mocking voice said to her quietly. Peridot blushed fiercely as she rubbed her face trying to push the thought away and to the very back of her mind. The house was quiet since the only one there was peridot. She had put up fliers that said she was looking for a housemate but the only ones that had answered had been male, wierd, or thirty. She pulled her shirt over her head and chucked it behind her, not really caring where it ended up. She chose to go with a mint tank top and throw a grey flannel over the top. Peridot turned to her dresser and walked over and opened the drawer and pulled out a pair of black distressed ‘jeggings’. After a fair amount of wiggling and tugging she managed to get the pants on and set comfortably.

She pushed her thick rimmed glasses higher on her nose as she sat back on her bed to put on socks and her converse. When she was done she grabbed a light jacket and her backpack. Her skateboard was propped up in the corner of her room like it had been for the past few days, sitting unused, collecting dust. Peridot sighed and walked over to grab the board and drag it into the living room and out the door. She dropped it down onto the ground when she got to the sidewalk and pushed off. 

The air was cold but other than that, the temperature was bearable. She boarded down the street for a few minute before she came up to the entrance of the shop. Peridot stopped the board and kicked it up into her hands. She stuffed the bottom half into a special pocket in her bag and opened the door. The inside of the shop was warm and spacious with a strong welcoming aura that you could feel sink into your skin the second you stepped inside. 

Peridot looked towards the counter with a friendly grin, expecting to see Lapis standing there, staring off into space like she usually was, but instead of seeing Lapis, she saw two completely different girls. Their work badges said Sapphire and Topaz. Her face fell as she walked over to her normal spot and dropped her bag down next to it. She reached inside to grab her laptop from inside and typed in a long stream of numbers and letters to unlock it. She had an advanced coding assignment due later that day that she had to critique and polish. 

Peridot opened her backpack to grab her wallet and found the scrap of paper that lapis had given her the night before. She opened the piece of paper and stared at the numbers, her face heating when she recalled when lapis had pulled her on the dance floor. She shook her head and walked to the counter to get her usual. Peridot grabbed her drink when it was ready and walked back to her spot. Besides, she thought sadly, i’ll never get to be with her anyway, since she has a girlfriend. Peridot sighed and took a sip from her drink, jumping when the hot liquid scalded her pale skin. Great, she thought irritatedly, Just perfect.

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Lapis fought inside of herself for almost two whole hours before she heard a knock on the door. Pearl opened the door and stepped inside, closing it firmly behind her before she walked to the bed and sat down next to lapis, placing a hand on her knee. “Lapis, honey, it's time to go.” pearl said quietly. Lapis stiffened and slowly nodded. She slowly pulled her knees away from her chest and stretched out her arms. Pearl leaned into the embrace and wrapped her arms tightly around lapis. They sat their for a few seconds before garnet opened the door. 

“Im sorry to say, but it's now or never kiddo.” her voice was sad. Lapis looked at garnet withe the face of a sad angel, dark bruises scatter around her face as well as raised red marks on her cheeks. She looked like a child as she stared forward with sad blue eyes. Pearl and Lapis separated and pearl stood so she could help lapis up, and together they walked to the car, morbidly resembling the final walk to the gallows of one that passed by a new grave, soil in hand ready to dirty the dying roses inside.

Pearl sat in shot gun and lapis climbed into the back, once again garnet took the position in the drivers seat. Garnet started the car and turned the heater on. “Here's what's going to happen,” she began to explain calmly. “Lapis, you and pearl are going to go to your room and gather your things, i'm going to have a little chat with jasper, and then we’re going to leave. Understood?” garnet asked pulling off her dark lensed glasses to look at lapis expression. 

Lapis tried to hold Garnets gaze but found herself failing miserably as she started at the floorboard. “Yes.” she said quietly. Garnet nodded and sighed sadly. “Lapis, im so sorry this is happening.” Garnet said, her tone regretful. “It's not your fault.” lapis defended half-heartedly. “That doesn't make it ok.” Garnet argued. Lapis had no reply, because she knew just like Garnet did that it really really didn't.

The drive to Lapis’s now old apartment seemed to be the longest drive she had ever been on and yet she prayed and prayed and prayed to a god she didn't believe in to make it last forever. Not surprisingly this prayer, like all her others, went unanswered and they arrived at the building. They all got out of the car and walked to the entrance, each battling their own inner turmoil. The inside of the building lobby was deserted like usual and the front desk was unmanned. With every step the drew closer to lapis’s apartment, and it made lapis shudder. Finally came the moment that they were in front of lapis’s and jasper’s door.

Garnet opened the door and stepped inside. There were broken piece of a plate broken around the floor in the kitchen from where Jasper had tried to get a plate to get something to eat but in her drunken stupor it had slipped through her fingers and crashed onto the ground infront of her. Jasper was passed out of the couch, beer cans littered the coffee and side tables around her. Garnet motioned to lapis’s bedroom and pearl nodded draggling lapis away from the scene. When they were out of sight garnet walked over and sat in the arm chair across from the end of the couch. Lapis grabbed her duffle bag and filled it till it was over flowing while pearl packed away boxes of Lapis’s memorabilia. Garnet sighed in irritation and stood, then she began collecting the beer cans. Any of cans that had been abandoned half empty were poured down the drain, then thrown noisily into the trash can. When she had finished this task, she went back to her seat and sat down, clearing her throat loudly. Jasper stirred and sat up, rubbing her eyes.

Jasper looked around the room, confused, as she looked for the source of the noise. When her gaze finally rested on garnet, her eyes widened. “Garnet, what are you doing here?” she asked as she ran a hand through her messy hair. “Where’s lapis?” she asked looking around. Garnet gritted her teeth and grew furious. “That what i'm here to talk about.” she said in a clipped tone.

Jasper sat confused and waited for garnet to explain. “What in you godforsaken mind makes you think you have any right, to put your hands on her?” garnet growled angrily. Jasper stiffened and looked away. “I don't know what you're talking about.” jasper said firmly, sensing an approaching fight. Garnet fumed silently took a few calming breaths before she began again. “How can you sit there like that, after everything you’ve done.” garnet asked in disbelief. “I didn't mean to hurt her.” jasper said quietly. “She knows that.”

Garnet clenched her fist tightly. “How do you know that?” garnet said in a tightly voice, shaking from rage. “Have you even looked at her? You threw her into a mirror! A mirror! She needed 16 stitches and you say you ‘didn't mean to hurt her?” jasper wielded around her eyes damp and red. “I'm sorry okay?! I'm so sorry for everything i've done, but i love her and i need her.” she said and she fiercely rubbed at her eyes. “I can stop drinking, and i can get a job to help with the bills. I will try for her.” 

They sat in silence before garnet spoke. “Your opportunity for trying is long since past.” she said in a final tone. She didn't even pause to look back at jasper as she stood to go assist lapis and pearl. The inside of the room had been stripped practically bare when garnet walked into the room, Lapis busied herself with un-tacking polaroid photos from her wall and places each carefully in a box. Pearl folded the final shirt neatly and tucked it away in lapis’s suitcase. Garnet crossed the room and grabbed the two large boxes that held lapis’s things and walked back to wait at the room entrance. 

Lapis grabbed her box of photos, cds, and books and walked over to grab one of the suitcases. Pearl zipped the last bag closed and grabbed the others and walked to the door to stand next to garnet. “Lapis are you ready?” pearl asked. Lapis nodded and followed them out. Jasper sat on the couch with her head in her hands. Lapis looked at her and felt compelled to comfort her but found her feet rooted deeply in their place. Garnet grabbed lapis’s forearm and shook her head in silent denial. She turned away just as her began to swim with tears.

They walked through the lobby and to the car in silence before lapis heard jasper's voice behind her, shattering the emptiness of the cold air. “Lapis wait!” lapis turned to look at jasper before she turned away and got in the car. Jasper cross the lot with incredible speed and stood outside of the car window, desperate tears streaming down her face. “Lapis listen, i can be better i promise!” she pleaded pitifully. That tiny voice repeated its earlier statement, reminding her that she could forgive, that she could just forget and move on… lapis shook her head violently and started loudly crying. Garnet and pearl put lapis’s bags in the trunk and climbed into their seats, driving away from a horrified jasper. They arrived back at garnet and pearl’s house in a blur and the rest of moments seemed to melt together, until eventually it all faded as lapis finally broke down and went to sleep.

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Lapis woke up around eleven the next day to the scent of frying bacon and butter filling the air. The inside of her new room was filled with boxes and her bags were scattered about the room. Her hair stuck up every which way and fell into her eyes to cover the healing bruises. The cut at her hair line stung slightly, but other than that her wounds might as well have not been there. She climbed out of bed and walked to the door, shuddering as she realised how cold the floor was underneath her bare feet. 

Inside of the hall the air was warm and filled with the heavy aroma of cooking breakfast foods. The kitchen was set up classically with a table a little past the cooking area. Pearl and garnet alternately worked side by side stirring, turning, or poking at any mixture of things. Pearl flipped pancakes while humming to herself, completely emerged in her task. Garnet snicked as she walked up behind her and looped her arms around pearl’s petite waist. She shrieked and slapped away her wandering hands and garnet kissed her neck lightly. 

“Garnet, stop! You're going to make me burn them.” she complained halfheartedly before she dissolved into airy giggles as garnets lips made it to her cheeks. “Ok fine ill stop, if that's really what you want…” she said in a challenging tone before going off to busy herself readying herself making plates. Pearl shook her head and smiled while she poked at the almost done pancakes. A few seconds later she let out a heavy sigh and turned off the burner and shoving herself again garnets waiting torso. They kissed silently for a few seconds before garnet wrapped her hands around her waist and lifted her off the ground, only leaving the tips of pearl’s bare toes on the tiled floor.

When they finally broke apart pearl rushed back over to the pancakes to make sure they weren't burned. Lapis pulled away from the doorway where she had been lurking. ‘They looked so happy’ she thought enviously. She tried to be bitter but only found her usually expressionless face pulled into a smile as she thought about all of the fun times she had ever had with that very same happy couple. The first memory she pulled up was of christmas, walking amongst hundreds of everyday trees covered with christmas lights. As they walked they all remarked at the lack of snowfall that year and laughed as they sipped hot chocolate under the inky black sky and almost like the topic had summoned it, snow flakes fell from the dark sheet of clouds in abundance.

When lapis managed to pull herself from the stupor of her memories and walked into the kitchen where garnet had started making plates. “Oh, good morning lapis!” pearl said in a happy tone. “Did you sleep well?” she asked as she divided the pancakes between plates. “Uh, yeah kinda.” she answered honestly.

“My head was kinda bothering me, though.” she said as she walked to the table to sit down. Garnet set out cups before walking over the cabinet they used to store medicine to retrieve aspirin. “What do you want to drink lapis?” garnet asked as she took out 4 tiny tan pills. Lapis thought for a second and didn’t want to get into the endless battle of ‘it's up to you’. “Orange juice.” she said in a semi-sure voice. Garnet nodded and poured the orange juice into the waiting glass. Pearl set lapis’s plate in front of her with a smile and put her and garnets plates on each of her sides. 

“All right, what's on the agenda for today?” pearl asked happily. Lapis thought for a few moments before answering. “I have to go to work on the common grounds.” she said in a regretting tone. She hated working on the common grounds. It was filled with weird freshman, rude middle aged teachers, and frat boys who thought that the ground they walked on should be treated as if it were blessed by the pope himself. Pearl nodded, although she was a little worried about her returning to work so soon.

“I’ll give you a ride, if you’d like.” pearl said with a smile. She sipped her tea quietly and waited for lapis’s answer. “Yeah, sure thing pearl.” lapis ate her food in silence and was the first to finish. “Im gonna go get ready…” she said after she put her dishes into the sink. The both nodded in approval as lapis walked back to the room she was sleeping in to rummage through her bags for a pair of khaki pants and a tee shirt. 

When she had located what she was after, she got ready and zipped the bag shut once again. A quick glance in the mirror made her cringe at the bruises that intertwined with pale skin. Lapis rushed over to her makeup bag and pulled out concealer and a makeup brush and sponge. She dabbed the liquid concealer onto the makeup sponge and smoothed it over the lighter bruises and around the edges of the darker ones. Thankfully the makeup did 80% of it's job and completely covered the lighter bruises but failed to do any more than slightly lessen the others.

She ran a brush through mess blue hair and realised she would have to redye it soon, the dark brown roots of her original hair color showing through slightly. Lapis sighed and chucked her brush back on her bed and ran the makeup brush over the pale powder makeup, lightly blending it over the concealer, hopefully finishing up where the latter had failed. She wasn’t surprised when it worked about ⅓ as well as the liquid. Great. 

Eventually she gave up on pursuing complete cover and grabbed her things, heading to the door as soon as she had. Pearl followed after her with a content smile on her face as she picked up her backpack and hung it on one shoulder. Garnet waved goodbye before walking across the room to give pearl one final kiss before they left.

Pearl dropped Lapis off at the dollar store and promised to be back at five with no excuses. Lapis nodded absentmindedly and walked into the store. The inside was as usual, pretty much absent of any human life. The girl working the counter currently took one look at lapis before she walked away to clock out. Lapis sighed and walked behind the counter and opened the door before she pulled out her badge and pinned it to her shirt. After a few minutes of looking she managed to find the red stool she used whenever she worked her shift and pulled in back to her spot so she could sit down.

The day passed by as fast as a traffic jam in new york city. Student came and went, most of them minding their own business. But the others tried to make conversation and were sorely mistaken when they assumed lapis was in the mood to comply. lapis spent the majority of her time on her phone so she wouldn't have to burden garnet and pearl for too long. Everything was so overpriced she spent most of the time looking staring in awe in how so people could be dumb enough to think others would pay so much for a one bedroom, one bathroom, roach infested apartment. 

I was about 4:30 before she forced herself to give up her fruitless search. A few more people cycled through the store, either buying things or posting flyers on the board by the door. Lapis sighed in relief when pearl walked through the doors at five o’clock on the dot. “Hey lapis! Have a good day at work?” pearl asked with a big smile. Lapis nodded and clocked out. Half-heartedly tossing her badge into the drawer. 

She grabbed her bag and swung it over her shoulder. Lapis turned to the board to see as a last resort choice to try and find an apartment. She scanned the hundreds of brightly colored papers sighing when a quick glance yielded nothing. She sighed in irritation until her gaze settled on a black and white printed paper that matched what she was looking for, practically word for word. The place offered was a house instead of an apartment and already had a college girl living there, although no name was listed in the description. A picture of the house showed that it was average and not flashy, amplified by the $500 rent- half of what she payed to stay in the apartment with jasper.

“Um, lapis, honey what are you looking at?” pearl asked confused. Lapis turned around and smiled widely. “Nothing pearl.” she said in a happy tone. She tore one of the phone number/email address slips of the paper. They chatted idly as they walked to the car, the tiny slip of paper held tightly in lapis’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! sorry it took so long to update, this chapter was supposed to go up yesterday, but i got busy working on the other two fanfictions im currently writing. those should go up soon- sometime inbetween next week and next month. sorry for any spelling errors. chapter seven is going saturday night!!!


	7. starting over

Lapis stood in front of the home phone for what felt like the better part of forever. ‘Just call, lapis’ she thought as she rubbed her temples, phone number in hand. She sighed and picked up the phone and dialed in the number. She held her breath as she heard the empty ringing on the other end of the line before a click and a voice. “Hello?” the voice sounded familiar, she thought before the pieces clicked together. 

“Peridot?!” lapis asked, surprised. “Woah! Lapis, hey!” peridot said excitedly, fumbling with the phone. “I was actually going to call you later! How did you get my number?” she asked confused. Lapis laughed lightly. “I was actually calling about the room…” she said humorously. “Oh yeah the room! It's still open if you're interested.” peridot said as if she suddenly remember that it did in fact exist. “Yeah, actually that sounds great.” lapis said twisting the phone cord listlessly around her fingers. “You can come by in a hour and a half of so, if you want to look at it, or we can just hang out, but it's a little early to go get drinks so maybe coffee if you're not bored of it by now.” she said jokingly.

Lapis laughed. “No no, coffee sounds great i’d love to come see the room. I want to get moved in like, as soon as i can if that's possible…” she trailed off. “Oh, yeah of course. As soon as you check it out and decide if you like it or not, you can get moved in.” peridot said happily. “Cool.” lapis said she ran a hand through her hair. Ok so i'll meet you at jenny’s in half an hour, and then we can go see the place. Does that sound cool to you?” she asked as she leaned against the wall. “Yep, sounds great!” she said, wind crackling through the speaker.

“Ok, i look forward to seeing you then. Bye” lapis said. “Bye!” lapis hung the phone back on the wall and inwardly screamed in joy. She was going to have fun and she found a new place for her to stay. The week was starting to look up. Pearl stepped into the kitchen, her eyes glowing. “Who was that lapis?” she asked, stepping fully into view. “Just a friend of mine. We’re going out to be coffee, and i won't be super long, i promise. Is it ok if i go?” she asked as she rubbed her arm with her free hand. “Of course, honey! Why wouldn’t it be? Just go have fun and take as long as you need.” she said with a smile.

Lapis smiled widely and ran up stairs to get ready, pausing to hug pearl. The inside of her temporary room was still bare, her bags packed neatly away in the corner of her room. She walked over and picked one up, dropping it on her bed and zipping it open. She grabbed a warm grey sweater, blue scarf, and fuzzy leggings. Her beanie sat, abandoned, on the dresser. She dressed quickly and grabbed it, pulling it snugly down over her spiky hair. She wrapped the scarf around her neck and pulled on her shoes before she grabbed her bag and walked down the stairs.

She waved goodbye to pearl and stepped out into the cold late morning air. The sky was light grey and showed signs that it might snow, foreshadowed by the freezing wind and occasional rain drop on the sidewalk. The walk to the shop wasn't very long, but it was enough to make lapis’s finger tips, toes, and nose go numb from the cold. It was a pleasant and welcome relief when she stepped inside and was met with the warmth of the inner heater. She scanned the sparsely populated interior. Peridot was nowhere to be seen, but then again lapis had left almost fifteen minutes early.

She sat down at one of the empty tables and pulled out her phone to see that she had gotten several messages from jasper, each in their own way, begging her to come back. She couldn’t bring herself to fully read any of them, so she just ignored them like they didn’t exist at all. Lapis set her bag down at her side and stood, tugging lightly at the ends of her sleeves. She walked to the front counter and greeted her co-workers with a smile. 

“Hey topaz, hey citrine! How’s it going?” she asked glancing between both girls. They seemed so similar, yet bizarrely different. Topaz dyed her hair gold every single chance she got, where citrine had natural honey colored hair. Topaz had dark brown eyes that could tell stories, if one dared look deep enough into them. Citrine had hazel eyes that a starstruck author might paint as that of a young girl whose first and only love was the night sky. 

“Oh hey lapis, it going pretty ok, i'm just happy we aren't completely swamped.” topaz said, returning lapis’s smile. “What can we get for you?” citrine asked, winking. Lapis rolled her eyes. ‘What a flirt.’ she thought with a smile. “Umm, how about a peppermint cappuccino and a slice of spice cake?” she said leaning over and peering into the pastry glass. Topaz nodded as citrine walked to the cappuccino maker and set a cup beneath it. 

Topaz reached inside and used the rubber tongs resting inside to retrieve two pieces of the sweet treat. She wrapped them both in wax paper and placed them inside a small box, grinning. “The second slice is on me, so consider that your christmas present this year, since i haven't gotten you anything yet.” she said, snickering. Citrine came over with a cup and placed a lid on it, setting it next to the box. Topaz rang up the cost and offered lapis her receipt. She shook her head no and topaz shrugged placing it in the trash can on her side of the counter

She took the money in lapis’s outstretched hand, and pushed her food and drink towards her, which she took with a grateful smile. Lapis walked back to her table and set down her things just as peridot walked through the door, hair damped by the freshly started freezing rain fall. She spotted lapis and her face lit up in a bright smile. Lapis returned the smile and sipped her coffee. 

“Hey, sorry i'm late.” peridot said as she sat in her chair. Lapis shook her head. “No, you're not late, i just got here a little earlier than a i should have.” she opened the container and pushed it towards peridot. “You can have a slice if you’d like.” she smiled and picked up her own slice, leaving the other for peridot. That sat in silence while they ate and peridot scrolled her phone. Lapis watched cars, children, and everyday people walk by out the shop window. She looked longer at the children and compassionate lovers as they played and embraced on the street side. She sighed and rested her cheek in the palm of her hand.she didn't even notice when peridot left to get a drink.

“Hey lapis, you okay?” she asked confused. “Hm? Oh yeah, i’m fine I just spaced out for a second.” she said, waving it off absent mindedly. Peridot shrugged, not wanting to pry further about the sadness teeming in lapis’s ocean like eyes. “So what have you been up to lately?’’ peridot asked, stirring her drink. “Umm, well i think you guessed that i moved out of the old apartment i used to live in with my girlfriend…” she trailed off as her throat got thick and her eyes watered. “What happened?” peridot asked concerned. Lapis cleared her throat and took a sip of her coffee.

“We had some… some problems, and it just made more sense for me to live somewhere else for a little while.” she said, avoiding eye contact. “Im staying with some friends of mine right now, but i don't want to be a burden, so…” she trailed off. “So you started looking.” peridot finished with a nod. “Yeah, i'm just glad i found a place so soon.” lapis said with a smile. “Glad i could be of service.” peridot said as she sipped her drink.

They sat and chatted idly, small talk, work and the weather. “So, um, i'm guessing you're dying to see the place, am I right?” peridot asked with a grin. Lapis nodded and gave a soft smile. Peridot returned her nod and pulled her phone out of her pocket, clicking it on. She scrolled and tapped against the screen while she gathered her things to leave. Lapis watched her, intrigued at how well she handled her tasks, even though she wasn't even actively watching. She pulled her sleeves further down her arms and stood up, coffee in hand. They packed up there things to go and started off towards the door. 

Outside of the cafe the sounds of people's voices buzzed through the air. Lapis watched the people that walked beside her and peridot with semi interest, startled at how at ease they all seemed. Couples embraced in the cold air and broke away laughing, almost clichely. She was surprised when peridot stopped and put her phone back into her pocket. The house looked exactly like the picture, although in reality it held more of the homelike qualities than what could be captured in a mere photo. The gate outside of the house was latched shut, although lapis couldn’t tell why, it wasn’t like the small stone wall was to terribly high off the ground, only coming up to about her midriff. 

Peridot produced a key ring from her pocket and picked one of the keys off of it, inserting it into the lock. The gate creaked slightly as she opened it and walked through. Lapis followed her through the gate, shutting it behind herself. Peridot walked to the door and opened it, no key necessary. ‘I guess she’s satisfied with the gate.’ lapis thought to herself with a giggle. The inside of the house was a little disorganized, mechanical parts and circuit board were tossed around in different places in the house. “Sorry about the mess, i wasn't really expecting anyone so soon…” peridot said, rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly.

Lapis laughed and brought her hand to her mouth. “It's fine peridot, i like it. It gives it a kind of ‘lived in’ feel.” she said looking around. Peridot’s face lit up. “So i guess it's time for the house tour.” peridot said with a smile. “First up is pretty obviously the mud room. You can just leave your shoes in here, or you can take the in your room with you, it's completely your choice. The mud room just kinda helps with any mud or water you might have tracked in.” peridot explained while motioning around the small room. A few jackets were lined up neatly on the walls as well as a picture that was majoritally blocked from view. 

Peridot moved into the next room after she kicked off her shoes, lapis followed suit and did the same. “Next up we have the living room. I don't really do much in here but maybe eat in here every now and again when i don't feel like holing up in my room.” the living room had a single black couch that faced a flat screen tv, which was quietly playing a football game. A large picture window was to the side of the living room, allowing faded light into the room. Lapis walked behind peridot as they continued her tour through the kitchen, dining room, laundry room. Finally they made their way up the stairs and arrived in front of the empty room. Peridot stuffed her hands in her pockets and motioned towards the door.

“This is the room, it's only got a dresser, box spring, and bed rail so it's up to you to decorate.” peridot said as she opened the door. The inside of the room was barren, like peridot said, but was quite a bit bigger than her old room. The window seat cushion was sky blue and had white buttons embroidered into it. Lapis walked into the middle of the room and turned, taking it all in. “this is fine.” she said in a quiet voice. Peridot nodded in silent agreement. “No,” lapis said a bit louder. “This is perfect.” lapis grinned widely.

“I'm glad you like it!” peridot said happily. Lapis walked back to the doorway and stepped out of the room. “I’ll take you back to you place now, if you want me too.” peridot offered as they walked downstairs. “Sure, thanks peridot. I'll come by with some of my stuff tomorrow.” she said rubbing her fingers in circles around her palm. They walked out of the house and into the cold air. The day had flown by so quickly that they didn't even realise it was almost nightfall. After about five minutes of walking lapis’s fingers went numb. 

Peridot sighed into her hands and tried to warm the air she was breathing. Lapis watched her for a moment, confused, before she realized that her nose probably burned from the cold. She took off her scarf, shuddering as the freezing breeze touched her bare skin. She stopped peridot and stood in front of her, there eyes never meeting. Lapis wrapped the scarf around the bottom half of her face and neck. “You looked cold.” she whispered. Peridots faced glowed bright red. “T-thank you.” she said, pulling the scarf higher on her face. They spent the rest of the walk in silence before they arrived at her temporary home.

“I guess i’ll see you tomorrow?” peridot said looking at her feet. “Of course.” lapis said with a smile. “I can't wait.” she said before she stepped into the house, leaving peridot on the doorstep with no goodbye. Lapis stood with her back against the door listening intently. After a few seconds she thought peridot had left and began to step away from the door when she heard her quiet muffled voice say goodnight. Lapis’s heart stopped in it's frantic tracks and rested a minute. As her footsteps walked farther away and got quieter, she found her chest felt almost identical to the icy air outside. The feeling was familiar and unwelcome. Lapis hid her face in her hands, while she smiled like a lunatic. “Hey lapis, is that you?” pearl's voice called from the kitchen. Lapis’s smile lessened but didn’t disappear. “Yeah it's me, sorry i’m late.” she said as she walked into the kitchen. The kitchen was filled with the homey aroma of homemade chicken noodle soup. Lapis sat at the table and stared off into space, slaving over every detail of the day in her mind. Pearl watched her in excitement, taking full notice of the smile that brightened lapis’s usually sad expression.   
_______________________________________

Peridot stood outside of the door, her heart beating out of her chest. “Goodnight, lapis” she mumbled quietly before she retreated back to the sidewalk trying to get home as fast as she could. When she finally got home she slammed the door quickly behind herself and fell heavily against. She stood there for a few seconds before she slide down and sat on the floor. She took the scarf off and held it in her hands tracing every curve of the fabric with her eyes. ‘is this really happening?’ she asked herself. Lapis was one of the most resplendent people she had ever met, from the freckles that dotted her cheeks to her sad ocean blue eyes.

Peridot closed her eyes and tried to bring up a picture of lapis in her mind. ‘What’s so damn interesting about her?!?!!’ peridot wondered frantically. ‘She’s just another girl, so why does she make me feel like i'm having a heart attack?’ she didn't know the answer, although she wished with every fiber of her being she did. 

She opened her eyes and pulled her phone out of her pocket and began scrolling through her messages. Amethyst hadn’t stopped blowing up her phone all day. At least not since peridot had told her she was going to meet with the girl from the bar. Amethyst was the only reason she had gone to LIGHTS! in the first place. She regretted going but also found herself dying for one more farewell kiss from the blue eyed girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!! sorry about how long it took to upload ^_^" my original intention was to get this uploaded on monday but i between college and everything else it got away from me. i promise that from now on everything will be alot more regulated, so dont worry. i also have a suprise that will becoming in a week or two!! lots of love!! XOXO
> 
> tumblr- lapis-mylazuli


	8. the lesbian and the uhaul

“Lapis, honey? Did you have fun with that girl today?” pearl asked as she fought to hide her smile. Lapis looked so happy, she thought. “Hmm?” lapis said, her attention focusing back on reality. “Oh, yeah we had coffee and we talked about the open room she had.” she said as garnet sat the bowl in front of her. Pearl stopped pouring tea into one of the cups she had set on the counter and straightened.

“A room?” pearl asked looking at lapis confused. Lapis nodded blew lightly on her food, trying to cool it. “Yes, we met when i went to LIGHTS! With you guys. She was sitting at the bar alone so we started talking. I didn't really get to ‘talk’ to her because i had to get home…” lapis trailed off, pained by the memory. The bruises that colored her faces hadn't even begun to fade like she would have hoped. “When i was working at the store there was a poster on the board and i decided to check it out. It turns out it was peridot who had the open room.” she said as she spooned soup into her mouth, wincing when the heat burned her tongue.

“Lapis? Are you ready to move in with a stranger?” pearl asked in a concerned tone. “You just left jasper.” lapis stared at her food, pushing noodles to the side of the leaving a crater in the center. “Pearl, i’m an adult i get to make my own choices. Besides, she seems really nice.” pearl was about to protest when garnet laid a hand on her shoulder and quieted her. “Pearl, lapis is right, she’s an adult and we can’t force her to stay here, and if she feels like she’s ready enough to live somewhere different we have to trust her decisions.” garnet said with a smile. She lowered her visor and winked at lapis, making her face flush.

Pearl huffed but didn’t press any further about the subject. They ate and told stories ranging from a when they had first met to just recently when lapis’s phone rang. Lapis pulled the phone out, freezing when she saw who was calling. “Who is it lapis?” pearl asked curiously. Garnet set her spoon down and stood up, walking over to lapis as she did. She waited with her hand out patiently. Lapis looked from garnets hand to her phone. “No, i need to take this.” she said in a quiet voice. “It’s either now or never.” she stood and walked outside, making sure to close the door behind herself.

“Hello?” lapis answered quietly. “Lapis! I didn’t think you’d pick up.” jasper shouted in surprise into the receiver. “Did you need something?” lapis whispered into the phone, her voice failing her as she started crying. “Lapis, please come back, please. I’m so sorry for what i did to you, just please come back. Things will change i promise! I’ll stop drinking a-and we’ll spend more time together like you wanted.” jasper pleaded. Lapis bit her lip as she fought to not sob out loud. She sounded like she meant it, lapis thought. Maybe things will be different this time. She shook her head fiercely. “No jasper.” she said.

The second the words left her lips she regretted them. She hung up the phone and covered her mouth and started sobbing out loud. Lapis sank to the ground and wrapped her arms around her knees. Garnet opened the door and sat down beside her and pulled her close. When lapis had gotten herself together enough to stop cry she wiped her face with her sleeve. Garnet stood and offered her a hand up. Lapis took a deep breath and accepted it.   
“Garnet?” she asked quietly. “Yes lapis?” garnet said as she opened the door. “Can you help me bring my stuff to peridot’s tomorrow?” lapis asked when they were inside. Garnet smiled and then started snickering. “Alright lapis. I’ve been dying to meet this mystery girl for a while anyway.” garnet said with a grin. Lapis blushed fiercely. “You’ll like her.” lapis said with certainty. “She’s nice.”  
____________________________________________

The next morning lapis woke early when the sunlight cut in thin lines through the curtains. Her eyes were still puffy from crying earlier in the night. Her chest felt cold and her head throbbed. A knock on the door startled her as she sat up. “Lapis, are you awake?” pearl asked through the door. Lapis stood and walked over to the door to open it. “Yeah, i'm up.” lapis said with a smile that felt forced. 

Pearl returned the smile. “Well breakfast is ready, so when you want to you can come eat and we can work on moving some of your things.” lapis nodded. “Breakfast sounds good.” lapis said as she followed pearl to the kitchen. The kitchen was brightly lit as usual and garnet turned bacon and sausage in a skillet. “Morning lapis.” garnet said without turning away from her task. “Good morning garnet.” 

Lapis sat in her usual place and pulled her phone out of her pocket. ‘Are we good to come over soon?’ lapis texted peridot. She set her phone face down on the table and stared at her hands before she shook her head and walked into the kitchen area. She pulled three cups out of the cabinet and set them on the counter. She poured garnets of coffee and picked up the teapot that boiled pearls tea and poured it into her glass. Lapis settled with milk.

As pearl made up plates lapis placed their cups in the right places and sat patiently. When her phone buzzed she scooped it up to look at the message. ‘Come over whenever you’d like’ her phone buzzed in her hand. ‘The gates open ;)’ lapis shook her head and opened the reply box. ‘I’ll be there in half an hour.’ she sent the message and set her phone down as garnet set her plate in front of her. 

They all ate quickly and set their dishes in the sink. “You guys get ready, i'm just going to wash these and then we can get on the road.” pearl said with a smile, her gaze constantly falling on the sink. Lapis nodded, a new sadness coming to mind. She walked up to the room she was staying in and stepped inside to get ready.

‘Poor pearl’ she thought as she got her clothes ready. Pearl hadn’t had such a easy time with any type of imperfection. Years or staying with her cold, cruel, controlling mother had left her with such emotional turmoil that she was eventually diagnosed with severe OCD. when lapis had first met pearl, she had to be careful how she touched her. She was so obsessed with balance that even the slightest tap on one arm had to be repeated on the other side automatically. Over the years she had gotten so much better, but her need for order still ran strong.   
Pearl had gotten ten times better when she had started dating garnet. They just fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle. Garnet had worked with her time and time again, never pushing too far. ‘I’m so glad she has her.’ lapis thought to herself. 

When lapis finished getting ready she started gathering her bags and putting away what little she had retrieved from them. Garnet walked in the room and surveyed lapis’s work. “You're really looking to get out of here.” she said as she picked up one of lapis’s bags. Lapis jerked her head up to look at garnet and began shaking her head furiously. “No, no, no! I love you guys, and it was so nice of you guys to let me stay here. Please don't think that i-” garnet raised a hand and silence her.

“I know what you mean, lapis. You worry that you're a burden, but you staying here is really no problem, and if you're not ready to leave you don't have to lapis.” garnet said with a steady voice. Lapis looked out the window. “I’m not sure what i am, but i know i have to do this. I need to start remaking who i am, from scratch.” 

Garnet nodded in understanding. “Well then, at least let us help you get a start.” she said as she grabbed another one of lapis’s bags. The final bag was left for pearl to get. Lapis and garnet walked downstairs and out the door just as pearl finished the dishes. They walked out the door and loaded the bags into the car. Pearl followed soon after with the final bag in hand and loaded it along with the others.

Garnet got in the driver's seat and pearl in the passenger like usual. Lapis climbed in the back and pulled out her phone. She had asked peridot for the direction the night before and had them loaded into her phone. Lapis handed her phone to garnet without a word and buckled herself in. 

They began the drive in silence and stayed that way for most of it. Eventually pearl sighed and turned on the radio, even though she didn't care for christmas music. The drive was over minutes later and left them sitting in the car in front of Peridot’s house. Garnet shut off the car and opened her door, pearl and lapis did the same. 

“I’m going to go let her know we’re here.” lapis said as she motioned to the house. Garnet nodded and popped the trunk. Lapis hurried to the door and stood in front of it, talking herself up to knock. ‘It’s ok lapis, it just a door, just knock” she sighed and rapped on the door, wincing at how loud it sounded versus the quiet morning. There were several loud thumps from inside and the sounds of quiet muffled arguments before peridot pulled open the door.

“Oh! Hey lapis! Ready to start getting your things moved in?” peridot asked with a sleepy smile. She looked sleep deprived and her eye’s were slightly red, like she had been up all night. Lapis returned her smile and nodded. “Yeah, i brought some really close friends of mine to help, too.’’ she said as garnet walked up behind her.  
Lapis and peridot stepped aside and let garnet through. Pearl followed seconds later. When they set her bags down by the stairs they turned to look at peridot, closely examining every inch of her. Lapis cleared her throat and walked over to stand beside pearl and garnet.

“Peridot, these are my friends, garnet,” she motioned to garnet with a smile. “And pearl.” garnet smiled and laid a arm over pearls shoulders. “ ‘s good to finally meet you.” garnet said. Pearl wore the biggest grin. “I’m so glad that we could finally meet you peridot, lapis spoke so highly of you.” pearl said with a welcoming expression. Peridot blushed fiercely. 

“I’m glad to finally get to meet you as well.” peridot said as she rubbed the back of her neck. They stood in silence for a moment before lapis let out a shaky laugh. “Well, i’m gonna go get my last bag while you guys do a little ‘get to know you’ conversation.” lapis said as she started backing out of the doorway. The second she was gone garnet took of her glasses to get a completely unobscured look at peridot. 

“I’m going to ask you this while lapis is gone, so i have to make it quick.” she said as she cast a weary look to pearl and then the door. “Please take care of lapis.” she said. Pearl stared at her hands in silence before speaking. “Lapis has been through some very traumatic things and i'm so worried about her.” peridot nodded with confidence. “I won't let anything happen to her, i promise.” peridot said in a reassuring voice. 

Garnet nodded. “I know you want.” the look that garnet gave peridot made chills run down her spine. Lapis walked in a moment later with her final bag and stiffened, feeling the dense atmosphere. She shook her head and grabbed pearls hand with her empty one. “Will you guys help me unload some stuff?” she asked nodding towards the stairs. Pearl nodded and followed her up the stairs and into her new room. Leaving peridot alone with garnet.

“Peridot?” garnet asked as she looked at her curiously. “Yes?’’ she said as garnet claimed her attention again. “Are you a lesbian?” she asked with a devious smile. Peridot yelped and flailed her arms as she fell to the ground in surprise.

4 hours later

Lapis and peridot stood outside in the cold evening air and watch the sky turn colors, dyed resplendently by the setting sun. Garnet and pearl had left an almost two hours prior and left peridot and lapis to their own devices. They had fallen into conversation about their friends as they fell into a pattern for their storytelling.

“And when i finally managed to get amethyst to leave the stop sign behind, the cops had already completely surrounded the car so we were stuck hiding in this giant mound of abandoned furniture for hours!” peridot said as she threw her hands in the air. Lapis was holding her side helplessly as she snorted and laughed, tears pouring out of her eyes. When peridot had regained control of herself she started again. “And when the cops finally did leave, they took amethyst’s car so we had to walk all the way back to town while she tried to hide this huge red paint stain on her shirt! She looked like she had just gotten away from jack the ripper.” they both started laughing uncontrollably. 

Lapis tried to calm herself down but failed miserably. “S-so let me get this straight,” she said as she wiped away tear for what felt like the thousandth time. “You went to a junkyard to steal a bike rack?!?” lapis said in disbelief. Peridot chuckled. “Well, in all honesty, she was really really really fond of it.” peridot said as she cleared her throat and checked her phone. Lapis watched her with fascination. “You’re a riot peridot.” she said heartfully.

“Hey peri?” lapis asked with a cheesy grin. Peridot looked at her suspiciously. “What?’’ lapis sat up and point her thumb towards the house. “Ever heard of the lesbian and the u-haul?” she asked in a teasing manner. Peridot looked at her with a confused expression and shook her head. “No, why?” lapis stared and peridot dumbfounded. “Seriously?” she asked in disbelief. “No, should i?” she asked confused. “It’s like a joke, since some lesbians move in together really quickly.” peridot fiddled with her phone for a moment, slightly uncomfortable. 

“Oh.” she said quietly. Lapis looked at her with concern and confusion. “Peridot, what were you doing in lights?” lapis asked. Peridot rubbed her eyes under her glasses and sighed. “I don't know, amethyst said it would be a good thing for me to do, but now i'm just really confused.” peridot said with a sigh. Lapis nodded in understanding. “So you went to like, test the waters?” lapis asked, tried to clarify some of the foggier details. “I don't know, i guess.” peridot admitted, irritated by her confusion in what she was feeling. 

Lapis sat back and looked towards the road. “You know, there’s nothing wrong with playing the edges of the field, so long as that's what you're comfortable.” lapis said with a reassuring smile. Peridot frowned. Suddenly her phone buzzed in her hand. She opened up the lock screen and stared at the message before she sighed in irritation. “Hey lapis, i'm going to have someone over later. Is that alright with you?” peridot asked as she readied her phone to call amethyst. Lapis nodded. 

“I’ll probably be in my room anyway.” lapis said with a shrug. Lapis stood and stretched before walking to the front door to go inside. “And peridot?” lapis asked without looking back. “Yes lapis?” peridot said as she lifted her phone to her ear. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!! ever heard of the lesbian and the uhaul?? i hadn't, at least not until recently. i hope you guys like this chapter. if you keep up with my other fanfictions, then you might wanna know a little bit about one of my more recent fanfictions, with her. with her takes place in the same au/story as blue girl, but its takes place before blue girl, when lapis and jasper had just recently met all the others. feel free to leave reviews or comments. lots of love XOXO  
> tumblr- lapis-mylazuli


	9. It's cold outside

When Peridot woke up the next morning she wasn't in her bed like she usually was and the sun was far from shining. A quick glance at the clock left her groaning and she stretched and sat up on the couch. Peridot suddenly froze as she remembered everything from the night before. After amethyst had left lapis had made a reappearance in the living room and suggested they watch a movie, not that peridot had minded. After a light- hearted debate they had settled on a movie called ‘freeheld’. About halfway the movie they both had decided they didn’t want to cook so they had ordered a pizza.

Lapis was passed out on the other end of the sofa, snoring lightly. Her face was flushed from the warmth of the room and contrasted with the dark bruises and freckles. Peridot squinted her eyes against the semi darkness in the room to further examine the markings. When peridot had asked about the earlier lapis had waved them off as a stumble down a set of stairs, and enforced the reply even more firmly when peridot tried to pry further.

‘She looks so sad.’ peridot thought as she watched lapis’s eyes flutter every now and again. Peridot stood and walked over to where lapis was sleeping and thought about waking her up so she could go to her room, but decided against it when she found it impossible for herself to move her hand close enough to her sleeping figure to wake her.

Instead she turned and grabbed the blanket she had been using and draped it over lapis before walking to the thermostat to lower the temperature a bit. The clock on the wall said it was around five in the morning and rain poured down heavily without a moment's hesitance. Peridot watched for a moment before she turned away from the window and walked to her room, careful to shut the door quietly behind herself. 

Lapis stirred in her sleep and sighed, but didn’t wake as she tossed and turned fretfully. She kicked the blankets that were covering her to the floor and curled tightly back into a ball. She stayed that way for only an hour more before she woke up and rubbed her eyes forcefully. After she managed to wake herself up enough to move she stood and walked to her room. Her things had been majoritally emptied out of the boxes but a few of the boxes remained. Lapis stared around the room before jerking violently when her phone started loudly playing music. 

Jasper had set lapis’s phone to play cabin fever whenever she called, which had once made lapis laugh since that was her favorite song at the time and had once grown fond of it. Now it left a bitter taste in her mouth whenever she heard it. Lapis rushed over to pick up the phone and answered on impulse. “Hello?” she bit her tongue when her mind caught up with her actions. “Lapis? Lapis i need to talk to you, please please let me come see you.” jasper begged as she as she was on the phone. Her voice was ragged, as if she had been crying. Lapis held her breath before responding. “Whatever you have to say, you can say like this.” she said as she sank to the ground to lean against her bed.

“No lapis! I need to see you, i'm so sorry for what i did to you but i need you back please please come back.” jasper pleaded. “If you want i can come to you or the other way around, i just need to see you.” she said through the speaker. Lapis couldn’t bring herself to hold the phone up any longer and let it fall to her side and turned on speaker phone. “Jasper, i won't go back to you, because you won’t change, even though you say you will, you’ve said the exact same thing before!” lapis said as she wiped away tears. “How am i supposed to believe you when such a notorious liar?”

“Lapis i’ve changed! You’ve changed me, i’m better and i won’t hurt you anymore. I’ll do whatever you want just please give me another chance.” jasper said, her tone beggar lapis to agree. Lapis was about to answer when she heard a board creek outside of her door. After listening for a few seconds she considered the coast to be clear. “Jasper, you hurt me in ways that go so far beyond bruises you can’t barely begin to conceive. I trusted you with my life, we had been through everything together, but- but you hurt me anyway. Even when i begged you to stop.” lapis whispered. “Lapis i-” lapis cut her off. “No, no more. Jasper you need to leave me alone, so don’t call again because i won’t answer. Goodbye.” 

“No lapis wai-” lapis ended the call and let her phone fall to the ground. She sat in silence crying for a moment until she heard a soft knock at the door, startling her. She sniffed loudly and wiped her eyes, careful of the bruises. “Come in.” peridot opened the door and shyly peeked inside, a sad look in her eyes. 

“Lapis… are you ok?” peridot asked as she stepped inside. Lapis nodded. “Yeah it's nothing.” lapis said as she stood. Peridot grabbed her arm, embarrassed, and looked at lapis. “I- i maybe might have heard the last part of your conversation with, well who ever that is.” peridot admitted not meeting lapis’s eyes. Lapis flushed, a fresh set of tears stinging her eyes. “Oh, that was nothing. Don’t worry about it perri.” lapis said with a watery chuckle. Peridot shook her head. “You're- you're not gonna go back to her, are you?” peridot asked. 

Lapis shook her head no. “not if i can ever help it.” she said as she ran a hand through her hair. Peridot smiled. “Good, b-because i care about you, like a lot so it's makes me sad that you're hurting.” peridot admitted her face flushing. Lapis blushed and looked at the ground. “Thanks perri, that means a lot to me.” lapis said with a smile. She stepped forward and kissed peridot on the cheek before stepping back. 

Peridots face turned bright red. “You should go back to bed, and we can talk more in the morning.” lapis said. Peridot nodded and hurried out of the room. As soon as she was gone lapis shut her door and walked to her bed and laid down. Her heart was flying, replacing her earlier feeling of dread. She smiled to herself as she shut her eyes and pulled her blanket up over her torso. ‘Peridots kinda cute when she’s flustered.’  
______________________________________________________________________________  
When morning arrived lapis sat up and survived the bright sky with a smile. It's was december first, officially her favorite time of the year. It had snowed a week of two back but what little it did snow had long since melted away in the bright sunlight of cool winter days. After she got out of bed she forced herself to look into the mirror, surprised when the girl she saw looking back at her wasn’t as battered and as helpless as she once saw. Instead in her place was a girl who needed just a few more hours sleep and another week or two to heal. She needs her hair re dyed, lapis thought with light self-teasing but other than that she was satisfied with her reflection for once in a long while. 

She shivered as she took notice of the feeling of the cool wooden floor and walked to her dresser to retrieve a pair of fuzzy pants and socks. After she had changed her stay home attire she walked out into the kitchen, happy when she saw peridot on the couch watching tv. Peridot looked up when lapis entered the room and smiled. “Morning lapis.” peridot said with a grin. “Hey peridot.” lapis said, returning her smile. 

The movie on tv was a popular christmas special and made lapis happier since it was one of her favorites. “When did that start playing?” lapis asked as she sat down, pulling her knees to her chest. Peridot shrugged. “I don’t know, i guess it started at midnight though, they’ve been marathoning movies since five as far as i know.” peridot said as she looked at the clock. “So what were you wanting for breakfast?” peridot asked as she turned to face lapis. Lapis shrugged. “I’m not picky.” peridot nodded. “Me neither. How about we go get some breakfast at a mcdonalds or something?” peridot offered.

Lapis thought before nodding yes. “Just let me go get ready.” lapis said as she nodded towards her room. “Sure think lapis, i’ve got to get ready too anyways.” lapis nodded and walked back to her room. When she was sure the door was latched securely behind herself she smiled and allowed her mind to wander as she walked to her closet and pulled out one of her freshly hung sweaters. She pulled off her warm pajamas shuddered as the cold air in the room hit her skin. As soon as she was undressed she hurried to get into her street clothes and escape the chilly temperature of the room,

She found a pair of warm socks and slipped them over her feet, wiggling her numb toes at the new sensation. Lapis sat for a moment on her bed and stared at the ground, contemplating whether or not she needed makeup. After deciding a little bit couldn’t hurt she walked to the small desk she was using as a makeup station and sat down in front of her vanity mirror. She pulled her liquid concealer and makeup sponges and brushes over in front of her and set to work to cover her bruising. After she had the marks majoritally cover she paused and looked in the mirror. She didn’t usually apply more than the concealer, but some whispered that a little lip gloss couldn’t hurt.

Lapis pulled out one of her darker shade of gloss called ‘infinite rose’ and lightly brushed it onto her lips. After she was done she checked to make sure she didn’t get any in her teeth before grabbing her mascara and eyeliner. She applied the both with quick precision, a habit she used to practice in a mirror for hours at a time and then set them both down and stared at herself and blushed. She hadn’t put makeup on in a while and now here she was, all dressed up with no place to go. She stood and walked over to her bed to pull her shoes on before walking into the kitchen. Peridot was sitting on the counter and violently tapping buttons on a psp. She looked up when she heard lapis walk and smiled before pausing her game and shoving it into her pocket. “Hey lapis, i was wondering if it was okay with you that we did a little shopping after we got breakfast?” peridot asked as she retrieved a piece of paper with sloppy writing on it.

Lapis nodded. “Yeah that sounds fine peridot. What all do you need?” she asked as she held her hand out for the list. Peridot shrugged and handed it over. “It's not so much food and essentials I just need a few things for christmas.” she said as she slid off the counter top. Lapis perked up when she read the list until her face was broken out into a full blown smile. “I love christmas shopping!” lapis admitted as she fought to control her smile. 

Peridot nodded. “I don’t have many memories of doing christmas stuff other than like watching my mom have someone come in to put up the tree, and even then i wasn’t allowed to help.” peridot said with a shrug. Lapis looked horrified. “Seriously?! You’ve never put up christmas decorations?” lapis said in terror. Peridot shook her head no. “my mom said that it wasn’t my place to be doing something so trivial when i could be doing better things with my time like studying.” peridot said as she started to fidget with the game she had retrieved from her pocket. 

Lapis shook her head and took peridot’s hands in her own, not acknowledging the game. “Well peridot, i will have to make this the very best memory of christmas that you have ever had.” lapis said with certainty. Peridot looked at her warily for a moment before she nodded. Lapis’s eyes sparkled with excitement as she dragged peridot to the door. They walked out of the house together, both wearing smiles although peridot’s was a little reluctant. This was a completely new side of lapis that she had never seen.

Once they had gotten to the bus stop and boarded one of the city buses, peridot relaxed as she watched lapis bounce happily in her seat with anticipation of what was to come. The ride was short and sweet and they listened to peppy christmas music and people complaining about how cold it was. When they came to a stop lapis and peridot were happy to get off as they pushed through the semi crowded aisle. Once they were outside the bus lapis took peridot’s hand in her own and walked along side her on the sidewalk, careful not to bump into the other people who were pushing past them.

They went to mcdonald's and ordered their food and sat at one of the raised tables by the window and watched they few clouds move about in the sky. After they had finished lapis was more than ready to leave and start their little adventure. Once they were outside lapis stopped peridot. “Where should be start?” lapis asked as she nodded towards town. Peridot thought for a moment before she shrugged. “I guess target or something.” peridot mumbled, unsure of what she was doing. Lapis nodded. “Good idea.”

Target was full of people, more or less. Different parts of the store were packed so tightly you could scarcely move, while others were completely abandoned, peridot noticed as she walked past a tired looking mother with a crying newborn. “So, lazuli, where do we start for this little ‘christmas shopping’ trip.” peridot said, making her fingers form air quotations. Lapis grinned and held out her hand for the shopping list before frowning when she looked the list over once again. 

“Uh, peridot, you don’t even have a christmas tree on this list…” lapis said as she scanned the list of items. Tinsel, stocking, lights, and wrapping paper. She shook her head and reached into her bag for a pen. Peridot blushed and rubbed the back of her neck. “I forgot…” she admitted weakly before she shoved her hands into her pockets and stared at the ground. Lapis smiled softly and pulled one of peridots hands free and held it tightly before winking at her. “Well don't worry, i’ll hook you up with everything.” peridot nodded as lapis scribbled on the list in small, slightly messy, handwriting. 

When she was content she pushed the pen on top of her ear and looked the list over again. “Alright perri, we need tinsel, stockings, lights, wrapping paper, a tree, boxes, cards, christmas ornaments, mistletoe, cookie cutters, christmas sweaters and hats, and a wreath.” lapis labeled off as she grabbed a basket. Peridot squinted her eyes. “Why in the name of the stars do we need cookie cutters?” peridot asked. Lapis laughed her off. “For christmas cookies, i know this great gingerbread recipe that me and jas-” lapis stopped and stared at her hands, tears suddenly stinging her eyes. “For christmas cookies.”

She took a deep breath and wiped violently at her eyes before smiling at peridot who was looking at her with a concerned expression. “Lapis, are you ok?” peridot asked as she moved to take lapis’s hand. Lapis jumped when peridot’s fingers brushed her own before doubling back and accepting her hand. “Yeah, i'm good, now let’s go christmas shopping.” peridot nodded and grinned, happy to see lapis smiling again. “First up the christmas tree, do you want a real one or a fake one?” lapis asked as she looked to peridot from the list.

Peridot tilted her head curiously. “What's the difference?” she asked. “Well real christmas trees are more festive, but they are a lot more work since you have to pick up the needles and stuff, where as fake ones are easier to work with kinda and they’re reusable.” lapis explained. Peridot thought before she shook her head. “Which do you prefer?” peridot asked. Lapis thought for a moment before she smiled. “If you're up for the challenge, i'm more partial to real ones.” peridot nodded. “Then let's get a real one.” lapis beamed. “We’ll have to go to a christmas tree place tonight.” lapis said as she continued pushing the basket.

Peridot nodded. “Whats next?” lapis looked. “Tinsel then stockings.” they walked into the main christmas department and looked for tinsel, grinning in victory when they located it. “Lets get red, green, and silver. We can put the red and green on the tree and around the house and we can put the silver outside.” lapis said as she picked up to packages. Peridot nodded and tossed a roll of silver tinsel into the basket. Once they had placed their items into the basket they began walking again. “Now to stockings right?” peridot asked. Lapis nodded. “We both pick our own and then we can either choose to keep them the same or we can personalize them.” lapis said with a smile. When they found the stocking they both spent a fair amount of time looking before lapis settled on one that was dark blue and peridot chose a green one. Lapis set them into the basket and grabbed some extra fabric and put it in as well. As a last second thought she grabbed four more. two red, two light blue. Peridot looked into the basket and looked at lapis with a questioning gaze. 

“Their for my friends, garnet, pearl, ruby, and sapphire. I like to spend the holidays with them so it makes sense for them to have their own stockings.” lapis explained as she ran her fingers over the soft fabric of one of the blue stocking. “Oh…” peridot said as she stared at the stockings. After a moment she grabbed a dark purple stocking off of the rack and placed it inside with the others, which made lapis smile and laugh. “Got someone special i don't know about?” lapis teased. Peridot shrugged. “Her names amethyst and she’s my best friend and i figured since i like to spend the holidays with her and since she’s like family…” peridot trailed off. Lapis picked up the stocking and held it in her hands. 

“I think she’ll like it, does she like purple?” lapis asked as she set the stocking back down. Peridot nodded. “Yeah, at least that’s what's been her favorite for a while now, i guess.” peridot said with a shrug. Lapis nodded and returned to the handle of the basket. “Then it’ll do great. Now let’s go get some christmas ornaments.” lapis said as she walked down the aisle. Peridot followed after her, grinning like the chesire cat. The aisle they walked into shelves were filled with several different types of decorations and wrapping paper and sparkled colorfully. “I like these!” peridot said as she picked up a box of glass ornaments. They were vibrant and had small reindeer etched into the sides of the glass and stained red and green in a pattern. Lapis’s eyes softened when she saw how childlike peridot seemed as she delicately held the box.

“They look great peridot, you can lay them on top of the stockings so they don’t get broken.” lapis said as she nodded towards the basket. Peridot nodded and walked off to set them down. Lapis shook her head as she watched her and blushed before setting off to look for ornaments of her own. The ones that she had settled on were dark and shone brilliantly like the night sky. She was starstruck when she found them, since they were the final box and had been shoved to the very back of the shelf. Peridot liked them as well and cradled the small box in her hands as if it were made of ash and would fall apart if a breeze just a little too strong ghosted over it. 

After that they looked for less fragile, more cliche ornaments. Peridot picked out a few shiny green and red ones while lapis found some candy canes and reindeer. Once they were content with their haul of decorations they continued down the list. Since there was wrapping paper in the aisle already lapis grabbed a few of the more traditional wrapping and let the settle in the basket. Lapis nodded and turned around as she felt peridot tap her on the shoulder, her arms full of boxes of varying size and shape. 

Lapis smiled and took some of the boxes from peridots arms and set them into the cart. “Now we just need a wreath, some cookie cutters, sweaters and hats, lights, cards, and mistletoe.” lapis said as she looked over the list. Peridot thought for a moment before beaming. “I'll go get the cards and the cookie cutters if you handle the lights, wreath, and whatever the heck mistletoe is.” peridot offered and she pointed out towards the rest of the store. Lapis laughed. “Sure peridot sounds great, then we can get the sweaters and such together.” peridot nodded.

Lapis pulled out her phone and held it up for peridot to see. “I’ll call you when i have the stuff, ok?” she said before replacing her phone back into her pocket. “Sounds great lapis. You can keep the basket since i'm just getting cards and junk.” peridot said with a nonchalant shrug.” lapis nodded. Peridot walked off down the aisle her face burning. Lapis giggled when she was sure peridot was out of earshot. She was just so silly and cute. Once she had a bit of control over herself she started off towards were she was pretty sure they had wreaths and mistletoe. ‘I wonder if she really doesn’t know what mistletoe is’ lapis thought with a smiled as she walked into the slightly crowded aisle. 

They had managed to avoid most of the crowd up until that point, which lapis was happy about. so she was content to now be stuck in aisle traffic. She stretched up on her tiptoes to look at the very top of the shelf and grinned when she saw the mistletoe. Lapis grabbed it and set it into her basket before she heard a familiar voice call her name. “Hey lapis, over here!” sapphire said with a smile as she waved to her across the aisle. Lapis grinned when she was her and walked around the aisle to get to where ruby and sapphire were standing.

Once they were within arms reach lapis and sapphire hugged tightly before breaking away with a laugh. “Hey sapphire, i haven’t seen you in a while.” lapis said with a smile. Sapphire pushed her bangs away from one side of her face and smiled. Ruby walked up beside sapphire and gave lapis a one armed hug, wincing slightly. 

“What’s wrong ruby?” lapis asked, confused. Ruby blushed. “Nothin’ i’m good.” sapphire rolled her eyes and leaned into her girlfriend's side. “She took me ice skating at one of the frozen ponds, which was very sweet of her,” sapphire said as she got on her tiptoes to kiss ruby’s cheek. “But she also neglected the fact that she had little to no grace or idea how to ice skate, so she fell and hurt her shoulder.” sapphire explained as she shook her head. “And she still refuses to let me look, or take her to a proper doctor.” sapphire said as she laughed at ruby’s stubbornness. Ruby rolled her eyes. “I’m fine sapphy, you're just making a big deal out of a little pulled muscle.” ruby said as she wrapped her arms around sapphire making her shriek and laugh.

Lapis laughed along side her and blushed. “It's been really nice seeing you guys, but i need to find a wreath and some lights, before i get back to who i'm here with.” lapis said as she looked to the aisle. “Who are you here with, jasper?” ruby asked curiously, looking around lapis. Lapis stiffened. “Didn’t pearl and garnet tell you?” lapis asked. Ruby and sapphire both shook their heads. Lapis laughed bitterly and quietly thanked garnet. “Jasper and i- well we sorta, um- we aren’t together anymore and i'm living somewhere else. I'm actually here with a really good friend of mine named peridot.” lapis explained. 

“Oh, lapis i'm so sorry.” sapphire said as she took lapis’s hand. “Yeah, ‘m real sorry to hear that lapis.” ruby sympathised. They had been together since before her and sapphire had ever met, and she couldn’t even fathom living with sapphire. Lapis just shook her head. “It’s what was best for me, she well, she wasn’t a very good girlfriend.” she said as tears pricked her eyes. Sapphire squeezed lapis’s hand. “If you need anything, anything at all, call or come over or both, we won't mind.”

Lapis smiled warmly. “Thanks, but i’m happy where i am.” lapis said with a laugh. Sapphire smiled. “Well i guess, i'll let you get back to your shopping, will you be at pearl and garnet’s christmas party this year's?” sapphire asked. Lapis grinned widely. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” with that ruby and sapphire walked out the aisle chatting excitedly, any form of negativity bouncing off of them. Lapis laughed as she watched them go before walking off to locate a wreath for the door. The one she chose was dark green and had small false holly berries scattered over the whitened green foliage and a red bow at the bottom.

She put it in the basket and grabbed a bundle of green and red lights that were laying beside it and put them in as well before pulling out her phone and dialing peridots number. She picked up after the first ring. “Hey lapis, i was just about to call you.” she said with a excitement. “You're gonna love the cookie cutters i found.” lapis laughed. “I'm sure i will, where do you wanna meet up?” she asked as she glanced around the store, hoping to see her in the crowd. “Ummm, how about you come find me?” peridot said with a nervous laugh.

Lapis’s expression changed to that of confusion when she heard her. “Why? Are you lost?” she asked. “N-no, i'm just not exactly sure where i am.” peridot said as if that made it any different. Lapis laughed. “Ok ok, i’ll come find you.” finding her actually proved to be difficult in the crowded aisles as people pushed and shoved their ways past each other, but after about twenty minutes lapis managed to find peridot leaned against one of the toy displays. “Peridot! Over here!” lapis called as soon as she was close enough. Peridot looked up and grinned before shoving her way through the crowd. 

“Look lapis! Aren’t they neat?” peridot asked as she showed lapis what she’d managed to find. The cookie cutters were individually wrapped and where traditional holiday shaped, which peridot seemed to be proud of, but the one that caught lapis’s eye was one shaped like the silhouette of two kissing angels. “Where did you manage to find that one?” lapis asked with a quiet giggle. “I'm not exactly sure, i just kinda walked around i picked up random ones. I like the snowflake.” she said as she showed lapis. 

“Good job, did you get the cards?” lapis asked as she accepted the cookie cutters from peridot. She nodded. “I found a pack of thirty in five different styles.” she said as she handed lapis the package of cards. Lapis looked them over before nodding in approval and placing them in the basket. “Now for our sweaters and hats.” lapis said, grinning like a kid in a candy store. She talked nonstop about how much she loved shopping for christmas sweaters when she was a kid. Lapis had such good memories of when she was little and of her mom, but the majority now were locked away, where lapis refused to acknowledge them. 

The second they got to the clothing aisle lapis practically exploded with joy. “Alright we’ll each pick out a few and then try them on, the ones we like the best we’ll get and the rest we’ll put back.” lapis explained, her eyes sparkling with anticipation. The first sweater lapis chose was done in the style of a christmas tree and had several small brightly colored ornaments and lights stitched into the fabric. Peridot happily chose a green sweater with a pikachu wearing a santa hat on it. The next one that lapis picked was done in a regular christmas style and strongly reminded her of when she was little. 

“Hey lapis? Is this ok?” peridot asked shyly as she stepped out of the dressing room. She was wearing an oversized sweater with reindeer and snowflakes that seemed like it would be really warm. Lapis laughed and walked over. “It’s not uncomfortable is it?” lapis asked as she lifted up peridot’s arms to see if it was too short. Peridot shook her head no. “no this fits ok, i like that it's big.” she explained. Lapis smiled and then winked. “Then it's perfect.” 

After they were done picking out their clothes lapis picked up two red santa hats and one that one done in a ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ style and grinned. “Hey peridot, come pick one.” she said as she held up the red ones before tossing them into the crowded basket. Peridot walked over and looked and the rack. There were several different disney style as well as a few marvel, but she didn’t pay any attention to them as her eyes scanned the different types. After a moment of quick decision making she settled on black on with bright green snowflakes on it. 

Lapis checked over the list and the contents of the basket before smiled and nodding. “That's everything, well except the tree- but we’ll get that later tonight.” she said as she took her place and the handle of the basket. “We can either go check out now, or we can look around for a little be longer.” lapis said as she pulled out her phone and grimaced, they had taken a lot longer that she had than she had intended them too. Peridot nodded. “We can go check out now.”

The made their way to the front of the store and practically gagged at lines for the registers. Once they had finally managed to find a register that’s line didn’t stretch to norway and back they settled in for the long wait and chatted to pass the time.

“So where exactly do we go to get a christmas tree?” peridot asked as she stood on the side of the basket, holding on to the metal rail. Lapis grinned, happy she had asked. “You have to go to a special place where they grow them. They have row after row after row of christmas tree’s and when it snows, they look so pretty! It's usually really cold there, since it's outside but it's definitely worth it in the long run.” she said with a smile and she thought back fondly of when she and jasper used to spend hours playing amongst the trees, looking for the right one. Thinking about jasper wiped the smile off her face and made her look to the ground. ‘How can i miss her? I hate her…’ lapis thought as she tightened her grip on the basket's handle. The bruises on her face throbbed as proof.

She shook her head and forced the cold feeling she had into the back of her mind and smiled, although she could practically feel how forced it looked. Peridot grinned as they moved into place to put their things onto the conveyor belt. She talked excitedly about how much it snowed in maryland and how different it was from the time she had spent in california for most of her schooling. Lapis was happy to listen to her talk about how happy peridot was to be back in maryland and see the snowfall as she piled up the contents of the basket for the cashier to scan.

When they were ready to leave lapis scanned her debit card and accepted her reciept and bags and followed after a skipping peridot to the bus stop. Once they were there lapis was more than happy to set down the heavy bags and sit down on the bench. The once clear sky was now a dark grey and rumbled quietly every now and again. Slowly as they wait white fluffy flakes of snow began to fall through the air and tangle themselves into lapis’s hair. Peridot watched lapis laughed and stick her tongue out to catch one before she bit her lip and shivered at the cold. 

“Um, hey lapis? I was wondering if instead of taking the bus you would be okay if i called my friend to come get us?” peridot asked as she nodded towards their bags. Lapis looked at her, puzzled, but shrugged. “You can if you want perri.” lapis said as she sighed into her hands, trying to regain the feeling in them. Peridot nodded and pulled out her phone. She dialed the number and listened to it ring, praying that she picked up. When she heard the click she grinned.

“hello?” amethyst said before yawning loudly. “Amethyst! Hey, um, are you busy?” peridot asked as she glanced towards lapis, who was watching the snow fall. Amethyst grumbled on the other end of the line. “I was sleeping but other than that not really dude, need somethin’?” amethyst asked. Peridot nodded. “I was wondering if you could come get me and my friends lapis?” peridot asked. “It's just started snowing and, well-” peridot cleared her throat before lowering her voice. “I don’t want lapis to get sick.” peridot whispered into the phone's microphone, flushing.

Amethyst grinned on her end of the line before responding. “Oooh, p-dots got a girlfriend huh?” amethyst teased with a laugh. “Absolutely not!” peridot shrieked, almost falling off the bench. Her blush deepened when lapis laughed at her sudden outburst. “Alright alright, whatever nerd, tell where you're at and i’ll come get you.” amethyst said and she got out of bed. “We’re at the bus stop near target.” amethyst sighed. “Aight, be there in a minute.” she hung up without another word. Peridot pulled the phone away from her ear and sighed. Lapis looked at her before taking her hand. “What was all that about?” she asked with a soft smiled. Peridot shook her head. “You don't even want to know.”  
______________________________________________________________________________  
Amethyst pulled a purple tank top on over her sports bra and turn her lamp on, wincing at the sudden light. She looked around the room and groaned when her eyes landed on her clock. It was almost six o’clock at night. Amethyst pulled on her snow boots and grabbed her car keys off of her night stand and a jacket of the foot of her bed. Her room was incredibly messy but she liked it that way, it was a lot easier to disappear in a messy room. 

She walked out of her room and pulled on her jacket and quietly walked down the stairs in case rose had steven napping. Thankfully Rose was brushing his baby down curls in the living room as she waited for dinner to cook. “Morning amethyst.” rose said with a kind smile as she stood and adjusted steven in her arms. She walked over to amethyst and kissed her forehead and soothed her wild mane into a more suitable style. “Or should i say good early evening?” rose teased. Amethyst laughed sheepishly. 

“Sorry rose, i didn’t mean to sleep in this late. It’s just been so hard to wake up lately.” she said and she rubbed the back of her neck. “How are you doing steven?” amethyst asked as she offered her fingers to steven who was happy to take them into his drool covered hand. “He’s fine, he was a teeny bit fussy earlier, but i gave him a bath and then he was putty in my hands.” Rose said as she stared down at him adoringly. “Why are you dressed to go out amethyst? It's late.” rose asked as she looked at amethyst attire.

Amethyst laughed. “Don’t worry rose, i'm just going to pick up peridot and her friend lapis from target and take them back to her place.” rose’s attention jerked to amethyst when she said lapis’s name. “Lapis? Lapis lazuli?” she asked. Amethyst shrugged. “She didn’t mention a last name, just lapis. She was worried about her getting sick. Perri has the biggest crush on her you can hear it in the way she talks.” she sake with a laugh. Rose smiled.

“Well if the same lapis you're talking about is the same lapis i'm talking about, tell her i said hello and give her this.” rose said as she walked over to the coffee table. She scribbled down a small note and some numbers onto a slip of paper before handing it to amethyst, folded. “And don’t forget your hat, i don’t you getting sick, either” rose said as she winked at her. Amethyst rolled her eyes and blushed, hiding a smile. She was happy to have somebody other than peridot worry for her. “I won’t, and i’ll be home in time for dinner.”

Rose smiled at her fondly. “That’s what i like to here. Now go on and pick up your friends and don’t leave them waiting in the cold.” amethyst smiled and saluted before walking to the door. “Bye rose, bye little man!” rose lifted steven tiny arm to wave goodbye as he cooed. Amethyst smiled and shook her head. God she loved it here.  
______________________________________________________________________________  
When amethyst pulled up infront of peridot and lapis they grinned widely. “What took you so long?” peridot asked, teasing. Amethyst stepped out of her car and walked over to take some of the bags from lapis with a grin. “Sorry i got caught behind some idiot who couldn’t find his gas pedal.” she said with a laugh. She walked around to the car and set the bags in the trunk, careful with them just incase there were breakables.

“So perri, is this your ‘friend’.” amethyst asked. Peridot blushed. “Y-yeah.” peridot said with a nervous laugh. Lapis smiled and extended her hand. “I'm lapis, lapis lazuli.” she said with a smile. Amethyst perked up before grinning like wild. “Oooh, so you are the same lapis!” amethyst said as she shook lapis’s hand. Lapis tilted her head, confused. 

“You know my foster mom of sorts. Her name’s Rose.” lapis stiffened. “Oh, yeah i know her.” she said quietly. “Did she say anything about me?” she asked, worried. Amethyst laughed. “She only asked if the lapis that perri was talking about was the same she knew. Oh! and to give you this.” amethyst said as she dug in her pocket for the piece of paper before pulling it out and handing it to lapis. 

She unfolded it and looked at the writing inside. ‘If you ever need me for company or you just want to talk, call. Merry christmas and good luck with peridot, she’s pretty cute for a college freshman. ;)’ -rose. Lapis blushed and smiled. “Thanks amethyst and please thank rose for me too.” amethyst nodded and grinned. “Well let’s get you two crazy kids home before you catch pneumonia or something.” amethyst said with an unconcerned wave. Lapis nodded and climbed in the back seat, while peridot got in shotgun.

“Don’t worry, perri we can go look for a christmas tree tomorrow.” lapis said with a reassuring smiled once they were in the car. Amethyst’s eyes widened before her expression softened with understanding. “Oh so that's what you guys were doing!” amethyst proclaimed with sudden realization. “What?” peridot asked. “You guys were doing the christmas thing, right?” lapis nodded. “Yes, why?” she wondered aloud. “I was wondering what you guys were doing out so late,” she mumbled. “Tell you what, P. i’ll let you guys borrow my car for the night so you can get your christmas tree,” amethyst offered with a sly grin. 

“Really?” lapis asked with an excited grin. Amethyst nodded. Peridot’s squinted her eyes in suspicion. “That’s awfully nice amethyst…” peridot said slowly. Amethyst grinned. “I’ll let you guys borrow the car on the condition that you go no a frigging date! The sexual tension is so thick you can cut it with a butter knife.” she said as she rolled her eyes. Lapis snorted before breaking into bubbly laughed. “Y-you know what amethyst?” lapis said once she managed to stop laughing. “It’s a deal.” peridot blushed fiercely and hid her face in her hands. “Amethyst!” she moaned.

“Hey, you were the one who was beating around the bush to begin with.” amethyst said as she turned off to drive back to her house. “I’ll drive back to my place and then you two love birds can have the car, but i want it back in the same crappy condition i gave it to you, not any crappier.” lapis laughed before nodding. “Thank you amethyst.” she said as amethyst pulled the car up in front of her house. “No prob, bob.” lapis turned her head in confusion before shaking her head with a laugh. “It’s lapis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! i have an unusually long chapter to make up for not uploading last week, so i hope you guys like it. i also have an announcement to make, blue girl is drawing to an end. i know what you must be thinking, "But Delyrium! there are so many unanswered questions!!" and i am very aware, but it's not over yet. i'm planning to end it around chapter 12/13 with a big surprise so stay tuned. as always you can reach me at my tumblr lapis-mylazuli to ask questions, talk about bands, or give any suggestions for future stories/chapters. i love you guys and hope you like this work of christmas goodness in the middle of october. Lots of love XOXO


	10. когда в снегу

They waited until amethyst was safely back inside of her house before pulling away. Amethyst’s absence had left the alone with the deal that lapis had agreed to floating through the air. After about five minute peridot couldn’t take it any longer. 

 

“Hey, um lapis?” she asked, staring at her cold hands, her face flushing. Lapis glanced at her for a second before returning her eyes to the dark road. “Whats up dot?” she asked as she turned the radio down. Peridot fidgeted with the zipper on her coat. “Are we really going on a date tomorrow?” she asked quietly. Lapis smiled. “Do you want to?” lapis asked, her eyes soft. Peridot gnawed her bottom lip. “Does it matter?” peridot asked staring out the window, her eyes watering from embarrassment and her betrayal from amethyst. Lapis thought for a moment before shaking her head.

 

“We’ll talk about it later if you would feel more comfortable.” lapis said as she turned off onto a gravel road. Peridot nodded and stared out of her dark foggy window at the dark silhouette of the passing scenery. After a few minutes on the bump path lapis slowed the car and pulled onto a makeshift parking lot in front of hundreds of christmas trees, lit dimly by a few lights that you would usually find on the side of a city street. “Alrighty aphrodite, let’s get this show on the road.” lapis said as she shut off the car and puller the key out of the ignition. Peridot nodded and unbuckled before climbing out of the car. 

 

Once lapis had gotten out of the car she made her way around to peridot and took her hand, offering a smile as she did. Peridot flushed and pulled the scarf she had wrapped around her neck higher up on her face. “You’re gonna love this perri! Last year the trees were so beautiful and i know they’re gonna be just as good this year.” lapis said as she pulled peridot across the dim gravel lot. She spoke excitedly as they walked while peridot nodded and stared up towards the inky black sky. “woAH!” peridot cried as she lost her footing and fell to the ground bringing lapis down on top of her. 

 

She sucked in a sharp breath and moved to sit up groaned quietly as she waited for the slight pain where her ankle had rolled on the ice to subside. “Sorry lapis i-” lapis stood and walked away and faced the trees, not saying a word. “Lapis?” peridot asked, worried. She watched lapis stiffen, her shoulders shaking slightly. Lapis violently rubbed her eyes and fought to calm herself down, taking long, deep breaths. Once she had managed to gather herself she turned and hurried back to peridot. 

 

“I’m sorry peridot! Are you okay? You’re not hurt are you?” lapis asked as she knelt on the ground beside her. Peridot nodded, concern on her face. “I'm fine, are you ok? What happened?” peridot asked, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion. Lapis shook her head and helped peridot to her feet, observing the slick black ice that she had slipped on. “Oh, ok…” peridot rubbed her arm awkwardly, not wanting to pry and risk upsetting her. After a moment of reconciliation lapis broke the silence. 

 

“Well it’s not getting any warmer,” she said with a quiet laugh. Peridot nodded and laughed. “Yeah.” as soon as lapis was inside into the makeshift tree line she found herself smiling like a child. She dropped peridot’s hand and walked through the trees, disappearing in between the greenery. Peridot laughed and looked around the trees. 

 

‘I don't even know what i'm looking for…’ peridot thought with a nervous laugh. She pulled out her phone and opened up google in a swift motion, sighing as she did. ‘This is so embarrassing’ she thought to herself in irritation. Peridot quickly typed ‘christmas tree check list’ into google and scrolled through the results, looking for any form of information on the subject. After a moment of searching she deemed every site useless and returned her phone to her pocket with a sigh.

 

“Peridot!” peridot jumped at her name before turning around. “Lapis! There you are.” peridot said in relief, being alone was starting to creep her out, not that she’d ever admit it. She stared at lapis as she peeked out from in between two trees, her eyes sparkling. She snorted and laughed quietly. “Sorry, i didn’t scare you did I?” lapis asked as she fully stepped free of the trees. Peridot’s face deepened in shade. “N-no! Scare me? I scared you! Are we getting a tree or not?” peridot asked as she walked away. Lapis laughed and followed after her. “We are indeed, so help me look.” lapis said as she took peridot’s hand. Peridot rolled her eyes. “Whatever, lazuli.”

 

They looked about the tree for a moment before lapis decided on three tree. “Alrighty peridot, pick.” lapis said as she waved a hand towards the trees. She raised an eyebrow. “What’s the difference?” she asked as she glanced at each tree. Lapis’s shoulders sagged. “There are plenty of difference’s. Nothing the same, everything in unique.” lapis said, irritated at peridot’s narrow minded assumption. “Come closer.” lapis said, waving peridot over. Peridot shrugged and walked closer towards her. “I just noticed this the moment i asked you to pick.” lapis said as she motioned to the vine choking tightly around the base of the tree. Peridot’s eyes widened in surprise. “It has a parasite on it.” peridot confirmed as she furrowed her brow. Lapis nodded, a sad expression on her face. 

 

“And as a result, well just look at the branches.” lapis said as she gently cupped one of the paler green branches in her fingers. Peridot looked in between the trees before realization dawned on her and her face fell. “The tree’s dying.” she said in a quiet voice. Lapis nodded once again. “I didn’t notice it at first, but i had a funny feeling. Then i looked a little closer and i realised it wasn’t healthy.” she said as she released the branch. “The difference is sometimes just a simple harder look away.” lapis said as she offered her hand back to peridot. Peridot hesitated, taking a moment to let what lapis had said to her sink in before taking her hand into her own. “I understand.” she said as she returned to looking at the trees. After a few minutes of looking peridot chose the slightly smaller of the two tree in favor of it's more compact and comforting frame. 

 

“Good choice,” lapis said with an approving tone. “Now we just bag it up and hitch it to the top of the car.” she took a deep breath before continuing. “Jasper used to do it by herself because she’s so much stronger than i am and she liked to show off like a goof.” lapis laughed quietly, her expression one of regret and sorrow. “But this year it's you and me, so you’re gonna have to help me out.” lapis said. Peridot nodded but couldn’t help but noticed that something about lapis had changed the moment she had thought about jasper. Almost like the moment she did she had slammed up her wall, unwilling to let anyone in and see what she was really thinking.

 

“Where do we start?” peridot asked. Lapis grinned. “Since all the tree are grown right here we need to get someone to cut it down. They have people here who can do it really quick so we don't really need to worry about that part. After that we pick it up and put it through this neat circle thing and it puts the tree in a weird net bag. Then we pick it back up and secure it to the car.” lapis explained with a smile. “But we should probably hurry before the snow picks up.” she said as she nodded to the tiny fluffy flakes that were drifting through the air. Peridot nodded. “Alright let's go find the guy with the saw then.” 

 

After a minute or so of looking lapis and peridot located one of the employees and retrieved the tree and put it through the bagger (with quite a bit of difficulty). Lapis paid the woman at the gate and help peridot push the car carrying the tree out to the car. “Merry Christmas! You girls have fun now, and drive safe!” the woman called with a wave. Lapis laughed and waved back. “We will, have a good night and merry christmas!” lapis called back as they walking onto the bumpy gravel parking lot. Once they had gotten to the car peridot started wiping of the snow that had gathered on top lapis ran to the front of the car and opened the passenger door to reach into her back and grab the bungee cords. “Alright peridot i got the b-” lapis stopped as soon as she looked up. Peridot stood in front of her leaning against the car and grinning wickedly. 

 

“Don't you dare throw that snowba-” peridot didn’t let her finish before she lobbed the icy ball at lapis’s shoulder. Lapis moved to duck but got hit anyway. “Dammit! Oh it is so on!” lapis said as she reached down to scoop up a ball of snow off the ground. Peridot smiled and pulled another from behind her back and hit lapis in the face. Lapis fell to the ground laughing. “No fucking fair!” she said as she stood. “Get back here you four eyed brat!” lapis yelled as she chased peridot around the car. 

 

After a dozen balls of snows had been thrown and peridot’s glances had almost been broken twice they sat panting on the hood of the car, laughing hysterically. “Alright alright you win.” peridot said as she slid off the car and raised her hands in surrender. Lapis shook her head and jumped off as well before pulling peridot close to her chest. “La-lazuli what are you doing?!” peridot asked her face flushing an even darker shade of red, whether from the cold or their position lapis couldn’t care less.

 

“I don't win just yet.” lapis said as she reached around to grab the hood of peridots jacket. In a swift motion she scooped a handful of snow into her hood and jerked it up over her head, laughing when peridot shrieked at the sudden sensation. “Now i win!” she announced as she danced in a circle. Peridot glared. “I'm gonna get you back for that.” she growled under her breath. Lapis rolled her eyes before walking over to kiss her on the cheek. “You and what army?” she asked with a wink before walking back to the tree. “When you're done getting the snow out of your hoodie will you come lend me a hand?” lapis called from the opposite side her the car. Peridot pulled her head together and shook her hoodie, shivering when the freezing snow slid down her spine.

 

Once they had the tree secured safely on top of the car they got back in and drove back to amethyst’s house. “I’m gonna go get her.” peridot mumbled as she unbuckled. Lapis nodded and turned the blaring christmas music down and climbed into the back. Peridot walked to the door and rang the nocked before checking the clock. It was barely nine thirty peridot realised in surprise. After a minute rose answered the door with a smile. 

 

“Oh peridot, how nice it is to see you again!” Rose said with a smile. “Would you like to come inside and warm up a bit? Greg just made hot chocolate and we’d love it if you stayed for awhile.” rose offered, her expression kind and sincere. Peridot smiled warmly. “I would love to stay rose, but lapis is in the car and we don't want the tree to get covered in snow…” peridot trailed off. Rose perked up and her smile widened. “She can come in too and you could park the car in our garage until you were ready to go.” rose said as she nodded towards the garage. Peridot thought for a moment. “I’d have to ask lapis but…. Okay. i’ll go see if she wants to stay.” peridot said as she turned and walked back to the car. 

 

She opened the door and climbed in the back beside her. “Rose want’s to know if you want to come in and warm up.” peridot said as soon as she had the door closed. Lapis thought for a moment, concern crossing her face. “What about the tree?” lapis asked. Peridot grinned. “Rose said we can park in the garage until we’re ready to go.” lapis looked towards the house before smiling and shaking her head. “Why not?” she said as she got out of the car and back into the driver's seat. Peridot grinned and got out as well, instead running to open the garage door. Lapis watched her, her face lit only by the glow of the blue lights on the dash board. Once she had pulled into the garage she parked the car and climbed out and walked back to the front of the house to meet peridot. 

 

“I’ll close up the garage then we can go in, don't forget to knock the snow off your boots.” peridot said as she jumped to catch the rope and close the door. Lapis nodded and walked to the door before tapping her toes and heels roughly on the ground to knock off the snow. Peridot did the same once she was done with the door. Once they were done peridot opened the door and stepped inside. Lapis practically moaned when she was met with the warmth of the house, happy to escape the cold. Amethyst peeked into the doorway and grinned when she saw lapis and peridot. 

 

“Hey! Rose said that you guys were gonna stay and visit.” peridot rolled her eyes “i'm sure she did. Is steven still awake?” peridot asked leaning on her tiptoes to try and look into the living room. Amethyst nodded. “Yeah, rose is letting him stay up and watch one of the cheesy christmas movies.” she said as she rested her hands behind her head. Lapis looked at peridot, confusion coloring her expression. “Who’s steven?” she asked in curiosity. “This is steven.”

 

Lapis turned around quickly, startled by the new voice. Rose laughed, a small boy with curly dark brown hair in her arms. “I don't think you’ve met him yet.” lapis’s eyes sparkled. “No, i don't think i have.” she said as she walked closer. “Is he yours?” lapis asked as she offered her hand to the toddler. Rose nodded. “Yes, cute isn’t he?” she asked as she watch steven grab her hand and stick it immediately in his mouth. Lapis laughed. “How old is he?” she asked

 

“He turned two not long ago.” their conversation went carried on in a cliche tone as peridot followed amethyst into the living room. “Hey greg.” peridot said as she flopped down on the couch next to amethyst. “Oh hey peridot, you sticking around to hear my awesome set?” greg asked with a grin. Peridot shook her head. “No sorry but i'm not sure how long we can stay, we need to get home to put up the tree and decorate the house.” peridot said with a shrug. “Oh, well that's alright, it’s just good to have you around anyway.”

 

Rose and lapis walked into the living room while the chatted and sat down. “Do you want to hold him?” rose asked as soon as they were sat down. Lapis’s face lit up. “Can i?” she asked. Rose nodded and handed him to lapis. “Be careful, he likes to tug on jewelry and glasses, so watch your lip ring.” rose warned. Lapis nodded. Steven looked up at lapis as soon as she had him settled and smiled, scrunching up his nose while he did and making a funny face. “Pwetty!” he said as she reach up to grab a piece of lapis’s hair. Her eyes sparkled. He gurgled and chewed on his fist as he sat on her lap.

 

They talked quietly while ‘the grinch that stole christmas’ played as background noise as the night went on. Steven fell asleep almost immediately, not that lapis minded, she loved him from the moment she had set eyes on him. About an hour and a few cups of hot chocolate later lapis sighed and tightened her grip on steven before turning to face rose. “Rose, it’s been wonderful meeting your family and we loved everything, but it's about time we get home.” lapis said regretfully. Rose nodded. “Of course, i need to put steven to bed anyway.” rose said with warm smile. “Feel free to drop by anytime, although i can’t promise i’ll be here. Amethyst might be though.” rose said with a laugh as she took the sleeping steven from lapis’s arms.

 

Lapis nodded and smiled before standing up and stretching. “Amethyst, you coming?” lapis asked as she grabbed her coat off the rack. Amethyst yawned loudly and nodded. “Yeah you guys go pull the car up out front and i’ll meet you there.” amethyst said as she stood. Lapis nodded and walked out front to the garage. When she got outside she was happy that they had chosen to park in the garage because the snow had started falling heavily and laid a thick white blanket over everything in sight. She shivered, whether from the cold or the darkness of the night she couldn’t tell. Once she had gotten the car pulled up in front of the house she waited for amethyst and peridot, turning up the heater and the volume on the radio as well. Once they were ready and in the car, lapis braved the icy weather and started of on the black roads.  
______________________________________________________________________________

 

“Do you guys want any help with that?” amethyst asked as she watch peridot take the bungee cords off the tree. Lapis nodded. “No we’re good, but thanks for offering.” she said with a smile. Amethyst nodded. “Whatevs. Well i guess i'm gonna take off. ‘Night.” amethyst said as she climbed into the driver's seat. Peridot nodded and waved. “Good night amethyst!” she said with a grin. Amethyst laughed and closed her door. ‘Perky bastard.’ she thought with a small smile.

 

“Ok peridot, open the door and then come help me carry the tree in.” lapis said as she grabbed the tree’s trunk. Peridot nodded and jogged through to the door and opened it, propping it with a phone book she never used. “Alright, where do i grab it?” peridot asked, looking the tree over. Lapis laughed. “Just grab it wherever and help me carry it in, i'm getting cold.” she said, lifting her end as she spoke. Peridot sighed, her breath turning into little clouds of steam as she did. She picked up the other end and spent ten painstaking minute trying to find a proper place to grip it. When it was all said as done the tree was inside and propped against the wall. “Now what?” she asked as she glanced at the tree. Lapis grinned. “Now it's time for the really fun part.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!! i hope you all had a great halloween! wow this story sure had come a long way, hasn't it? i hope you all like this new chapter even though it's shorter the the last one. oh well. if you're a little irked that this chapter went up a day late blame my friend because i've been reading her story and i got a little behind on my writing (there will be a link to her page at the end of the note if you wanna check her out) it's just so funny and cute. i know everybody has a special place in their heart for christmas, so i know you cant wait to get down to the nitty gritty and read the christmas installment, and if i'm right you'll have to wait! mwahaha! as always i love you guys and look forward to hearing from you. lots of love XOXO!!!
> 
> my friend- http://archiveofourown.org/works/7921258/chapters/18100636  
> my tumblr- lapis-mylazuli  
> my email-makyla.norvell@riverside.k12.ar.us


	11. shiver

Putting the tree into the holder proved to be the hardest part of the night, but after some trial and error they had it setting up and nearly picture perfect in the livingroom. Peridot ran an arm over her forehead, wiping away the invisible perspiration there. 

 

“Okay, now that that’s said and done, we can move on now, right?” peridot asked as she stretched, rubbing her sore shoulder. Lapis nodded, her grin stretching from ear to ear. “Now we can decorate the house!” lapis said, practically vibrating with excitement. “Go get the bags and we can put them on the couch.” she motioned towards the kitchen. “I’ll start making hot chocolate.” peridot nodded, her smile kind. She walked to the kitchen and picked up two of the target bags, not bothering to look through them, and walked back to the living room and set them on the couch. 

 

Lapis walked past her into the kitchen and got a pot out of the cabinet before setting it on the stove. “Do you want peppermint or cinnamon? Cause it’s up to you!” lapis called, stretching on her tip toes to grab the powder for the drink. Peridot thought for a moment. “Peppermint, it’s more festive!” she shouted back as she got on her knees to examine the contents of the bag, pulling the silver tinsel out first. Lapis nodded to herself and pulled the pure peppermint extract out of the cabinet. She filled the pot with milk and turned the heat on medium, resting her cold fingertips near the flame, careful not to get them too close.

 

Once the milk was at a light boil lapis added the powder, stirring with a whisk as she did. After she added the powder into the liquid she carefully poured in a small amount of the peppermint, since a little went a long way. When she was done she dumped in some cinnamon and stirred before turning the heat on low and left the pot on the stove and went to retrieve the glasses. Lapis got two of the coffee mugs from the cabinet and walked back to the stove and begin filling them.

 

Peridot pulled all of the tinsel and decorating ornaments from the bag and laid them out on the couch. “Hey lazuli! What exactly do i do with all this?” peridot asked as she stood, tinsel in hand. Lapis walked into the living with a platter, their glasses on top of it, and laughed. “We’re gonna put it around the ceiling.” she said as she sat the platter down. Peridot looked from the tinsel to the ceiling before shrugging. Lapis picked up their cups and offered peridot hers. She accepted it with a smile. “Thanks.”

 

Lapis nodded. “No problem.” she set her glass down and walked to the kitchen and grabbed a chair, dragging it back to the living room and setting it against the wall. After they were done with the tinsel lapis climbed off the chair and set the hammer down before placing her sore thumb in her mouth. She winced slightly before laughing. Hand eye co-ordination had never really been her thing. “Alright now the mistletoe.” she said dragging the chair to the doorway of the kitchen and livingroom. Peridot wrinkled her nose in distaste. “What even is that?” she asked as she stared at the green plant in lapis’s hand.

 

Lapis furrowed her brow, stepping the foot she had in the chair back onto the floor. “It’s mistletoe.” she said, holding out the plant for peridot to examine. “What’s it for?” she asked, pushing up her glasses. Lapis flushed and scratched her neck awkwardly. “Uhhh, well whenever two people stand under the mistletoe they’re supposed to kiss, it’s good luck.” lapis explained as she got back onto the chair and placed the mistletoe above the doorway. Peridot thought for a moment while lapis hammered in the nail.

 

“What if there’s only one person under the mistletoe?” she asked. Lapis laughed. “I’m not exactly sure if the way i learned it is right, but the person that was standing closest the one under the mistletoe has to kiss them.” she said, glancing back towards peridot, not surprised when she saw she was on her phone. “Google says it's poisonous…” she said, eying the plant warily. Lapis snorted and started laughing. “Only if you eat it, and this isn’t exactly a salad.” she stepped off the chair and back onto the ground, dusting off her hands like it had been hard work.

 

Peridot rolled her eyes. She glanced at the time on her phone before putting it away. It was barely 10:20. Peridot sipped her drink before pulling out the rest of the decorations and handing them to lapis to tack up. They placed decorative ornaments alongside the mistletoe and tinsel. Lapis turned on christmas music and danced in place as she tacked up the final ornament. Once that was done they ran fairy lights along the entirety of the room. When they were done they retrieved the ornaments from the tree and set every one out and ready. 

 

Lapis was about to place the first ornament on the tree when she stopped herself and let her hand fall to her side, tears filling her eyes. She set the ornament down and walked to her room and opened her top drawer and removed a small box with a single ornament inside. It had been a gift to lapis from garnet and had always been the first thing that she and jasper had put on the tree every year and the last thing they had taken off. Inside was the frosted silhouette of two girls ice skating. Each girl had one wing, together making up a pair. Lapis wiped away a tear that had escaped the corner of her eye and sniffed loudly. When she walked back into the living room peridot greeted her with a worried expression.

 

“Are you okay?” she asked taking lapis’s free hand. Lapis nodded and cleared her throat. “I almost forgot the most important ornament, is all.” she said as she lifted the tiny glass ornament. Peridot looked at the small fragile orb with awe. “It's so pretty.” lapis nodded. “Whenever the holidays came around this is the first ornament we put on the tree and the last we took off.” she paused and took in a deep breath. “I want you to put it on the tree.” she said, holding ornament cupped in her hands out to peridot. Peridot’s eyes widened. “Lapis, it's so important to you… what if i drop it o-or-” lapis silenced her with a kind smile that drove the sadness from her eyes.

 

“Then it happens. Things aren’t meant to be cherished so dearly that the mere absence of them could crush somebody. That’s what’s wrong with the world.” she said and she took back her hand and pushed her hair behind her ear. “Things were created to be used and people were created to be loved. But for some reason- it’s reversed. People are being used and things are being loved. Maybe that's why this trinket means so much to me…” lapis trailed off with a laugh. “So i want you to put it on the tree, the beginning of a new tradition.” she said as she handed peridot the ornament. Peridot nodded and accepted the orb before walking over to the tree and setting it amongst the tree’s branches. Once she was done she turned back to lapis for approval, smiling when she grinned at her. They decorated the tree and danced along to the music, twisting and turning each other through the melody and laughing. When they were done they stepped back to admire their handy work. The room felt so morbidly familiar it sent chills down lapis’s spine. She reached out and grabbed peridots sleeve and tugged it lightly. When peridot looked at her. lapis grinned and pointed up.

 

Above them was the mistletoe dimming and brightening in the lights of the flickering fairy lights. Peridot’s pale freckled cheeks flushed a light shade of pink as lapis brought their faces closer together. Their lips collided in a mixture of peppermint and chocolate, the scent of the hot chocolate and pine dancing a pas de deux in mid-air. When they broke away lapis’s eyes remained closed, trying to savour every second of their kiss. Peridot rested her forehead on lapis’s shoulder as their hands and fingers intertwined. They swayed along to the slow christmas song on the radio before lapis pulled peridot into the middle of the floor to twirl her along with a melody. When the final note of the song left the air empty, lapis kissed peridot one final time sighing when it ended and they rested their foreheads together.

 

“It's getting late…” peridot whispered, reluctant to do so. Lapis sighed and stepped back, her clear blue gaze falling over peridot expression before nodding. “That’s enough christmas for tonight.” she said as she turned the radio off. The lights of the tree and ceiling lit the room with a warm glow. Lapis turned towards the direction of her room, her back to peridot. “Goodnight peridot.” she said quietly. Peridot paused, her head swimming. “Goodnight lapis, i’ll see you in the morning.” lapis nodded. “I’ll see you in the morning.”  
______________________________________________________________________________

 

Lapis woke the next morning to the blinding light of the sun reflecting off the snow and into her room. Her ceiling fan spun quietly, breaking up the drowsily warm air in the room. She sat up and tugged the neck of her shirt back into place on her shoulder. Lapis sighed and rubbed her eyes. ‘Some night’ she thought with a goofy grin. She fell back against her pillows her mind wandering back to the night before. She rolled over and stared at the blinding window, listened to the sound of the snow melting into a slow drip on her window.

 

‘I need to get up…’ she thought with a groan. Lapis sat back up and stretched, wincing as her joints popped. She looked at her mirror and smiled. She was almost completely healed, save a few small yellow blotches along her cheekbones. She ran her fingers along her hairline, jerking when her fingers made contact with her cut. ‘That’s definitely gonna scar.’ lapis swore colorfully under her breath and looked at the foot of her bed for her band pants. When she found them she pulled them on and stood up. 

 

The cool wooden floor felt good on the bottom of her feet, almost like a reality check, as she walked into the kitchen. Peridot was passed out on the couch snoring softly. Lapis chuckled quietly at the sight. She turned on the coffee pot and sat silently at the table, listening to the quiet burbling coming from the pot. She was brought back to reality by peridots groan as she rolled over. Lapis laughed. 

 

“Are you awake?” lapis asked. Peridot groaned again. “Noooo.” she said as she pulled the blanket she had over her head. Lapis smiled and rolled her eyes. “I made coffee whenever you're ready.” she said as she stood, walking to the cabinet to pull down two cups. Peridot sighed and draped her arm over her eyes. “Fine.” she said as she sat up reluctantly. Lapis smiled to herself as she filled the cups. Once she was done she picked up both cups and walked over to the couch and handed peridot her’s before sitting down.

 

The sat in silence and sipped their coffee for a few minutes before peridot broke the silence. “Let's go to the park today.” she said as she rested her glass in her lap. Lapis glanced at peridot before she spoke. “Is that what you want to do today?” lapis asked, sipping her coffee. “It’s awfully cold.” peridot shrugged. “I don't mind the cold, and besides there’s this neat place i want to show you.” peridot said with a yawn. Lapis raised a brow.

 

“Neat in what way?” lapis asked, curious. Peridot thought for a moment. “It’s really big and nice, and since it snowed last night it’ll make it even cooler.” she said with a grin. “We can pack a lunch or something.” lapis returned her smile. “So this is going to be our date?” she asked, turning to face peridot fully. Peridot blushed fiercely. “I-i guess…” she said, rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment. Lapis laughed. “It sounds lovely.” she said, her expression sincere.

 

When they finished their drinks they got ready for their ‘date’ as quickly as to disorderly kids could. Lapis got dressed and put on the tiniest amount of concealer, while peridot attempted to tame her hair into a reasonable style (but failing miserably). Lapis emerged from her room fully dressed and walked into the kitchen where peridot was pouring chicken noodle soup into a thermos. Lapis smiled at the display. 

 

“Want a little help with that?” lapis asked as she walked up to stand beside her. Peridot furrowed her brow, thinking, before nodding. “Can you make more hot chocolate?” peridot asked as she finished. Lapis gave an off-hand salute. “Whatever you say, captain.” she said as she pulled out a pot. Once they had everything ready peridot packed everything away in an empty backpack. “Ready to go?” peridot asked as she looped her arms through the straps of the backpack.

 

Lapis nodded and finished pushing her arm through the sleeve of her jacket. Peridot tightened her scarf and grabbed her keys off the table. “I already texted pearl, so i’m covered for work today.” lapis said as they walked outside. Peridot nodded. The ground was covered with a thick blanket of white snow, and treading through it was like trying to run through water. When they made it to the park, peridot was face was bright red and lapis fought to urge to break into uncontrollable laughter at peridot’s lack of balance. 

 

“Alright this is the place.” Peridot said as she motioned to a willow tree that was covered in a thick layer of ice and snow. Lapis looked at the spot that peridot had chosen. It was right in front of a stream that was currently covered with a thin layer of ice. Lapis nodded. “Alright let’s get setup then.” lapis pulled her feet free from their two foot high icy trap and started to the area. When she was there lapis was astonished to see that the small spot under the low hanging branches of the tree was completely protected from the snow. Icy grass covered the snowless patch under the branches and made the spot look almost like a valley.

 

Lapis grinned and pulled the blanket out of peridots backpack and laid it out flat on the ground. “What do you think?” peridot asked with a teasing grin. Lapis smiled back. “How did you find this place?” lapis asked as she looked about the crystallized coverage of the tree branches in awe. Peridot laughed and pulled out the thermos of hot chocolate and started pouring cups. “Well i lived here in maryland when i was little, but i moved to california when i was in the fifth grade. Amethyst and i used to sneak around a lot and, well, that’s how we found this little place. Of course, the snow was a hell of a lot worse the first time we stumbled across this little spot.” peridot said with a laugh. She offered lapis her drink, who took it gladly.

 

“When i moved back here for college I thought they had cut the tree down by now, but instead when I came to visit the park earlier this year, here it is, standing just a depressingly as it did eleven years ago.” peridot sipped her drink. “Why did you come back?” lapis asked, curious. Peridot shrugged. “I just wanted to get away from my mother, I guess. She was always so controlling, I just wanted to do what I wanted for once.” lapis nodded, understanding the feeling. “What about you?” peridot asked. Lapis sighed. 

 

“I was born here in maryland, but in a different part. When i was a senior in highschool, i came out as a lesbian to my mother, who automatically disowned me and kicked me out. It hurt, because of how close we had been, but there was nothing i could do. Jasper was right beside me and did the same, except her mom died when she was four, so it was just her and her dad. All he said was, “get the hell out of my house” and that was that. we stayed with a friend of mines parents, and then we finished up highschool and got the hell out of dodge.” lapis finished with sigh. “We got our own apartment and made a life for ourselves.”

 

Peridot placed her hand on lapis’s, her expression sad. “I’m so sorry, lapis.” peridot apologized as if it would correct her past mistreatments. Lapis shook her head and smiled. “No need. It used to tear me up, but now it just kinda stings.” they sat in silence for a moment, soaking up lapis’s words before peridot spoke again. “What… what exactly did she say to you? You don't have to tell me if you don't want too.” lapis just smiled. “I don't mind. When i told her she asked me a few questions and i thought everything was going fine and then, well, she said ‘lapis, it’s important for you to know i love you, but’ then she stopped. ‘But?’ i said and then she sighed and shook her head. ‘But, it's conditional. This is not okay and no daughter of mine is going to be some faggot.” lapis said with a sigh. “She gave me one last chance to take it back and pull some ‘april fools’ i guess, but i couldn't. So she gave me two days to pack and whatever wasn’t gone in two days went to the dump or the salvation army.” peridot’s nose wrinkled in disgust for only a moment before she leaned across the space between them to kiss lapis. 

 

“I want your help.” peridot said when she pulled back. Lapis tilted her head in confusion. “I want to come out to my mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! sorry this chapter is going up a teeny bit late, but it's up isn't it? it took me a rather large bit of effort to put up this chapter since i spent literally all of yesterday in the hospital. i don't know when the next chapter will go up, but hopefully before next thursday, maybe on the 17th? i don't even know. please enjoy this chapter and let me know your thoughts in the comments. As always lots of love XOXO.


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